HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS (2013)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTIONS: *sociological*

I decided to review the three "Hansel and Gretel" films that came out, but as two of the titles are overly cumbersome, I didn't feel like squeezing them into my header.

Last summer's HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS remains the best known of the three. It wasn't the first out of the gate, but I find it likely that the one that came out first was influenced by pre-production news of WITCH HUNTERS. 

Unfortunately, HAGWH doesn't have much to offer beyond its basic "high concept:" that of showing the folkloric characters Hansel and Gretel grown up and kicking witch-ass.  The setting is vaguely Germanic, but all of the characters talk like modern-day Americans.  Early in the film I was particularly ticked off by one example of banal American-ese, when Gretel asserts that there is increased "witch activity" in the area. CSI: WITCH HUNTERS, anyone?  Even Terry Gilliam's 2005 misfire, THE BROTHERS GRIMM, seemed more in touch with the period.

There's a marginal mystery about the circumstances under which Hansel and Gretel were abandoned as children, after which they were waylaid by a cannibal hag with a candy house, their first "victim."  But the film doesn't exert itself to put any effort into the siblings' backstory: it's only there in order to provide the villain with a reason for going after Gretel, whom the witch wants to use as a sacrifice due to her lineage.

Even for a Big Dumb Action picture, Hansel and Gretel are woefully under-characterized; they're not even convincing bad-asses, though as Gretel Gemma Arterton throws some decent punches.  Particularly ludicrous given the loose period setting is that the two heroes have recourse to assorted rapid-fire weapons, such as a Gatling Gun.  Arterton and Jeremy Renner are competent but the witless script gives them nothing to work with.  Punch, hit, shoot; rinse and repeat.