THE CHAMPIONS OF JUSTICE (1971)

 


 





PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *psychological*


Director Federico Curiel bored me with his work on the first three NEUTRON films, but by 1971 he was definitely in the right groove with this luchadores film, which appears to be the first one to team up five celebrity wrestlers as a superhero team. There's no tedious exposition here-- and for that matter, not even an origin for the team-- just a mad scientist unleashing his monsters on the world, and the noble heroes coming together to defeat him.

The high energy of the proceedings is furthered by the sheer absurdity of the menace, for mad scientist Doctor Zarkoff (hmm, sounds familiar) uses his mad science to make a bunch of midgets into fighting furies. If there was any particular reason for his choice in super soldiers, I must have missed it. But yes, it's grand fun seeing a bunch of super-strong midgets toss around the five champions. This time at least, the super-popular Santo is absent, though he'd just made two teamup flicks with Blue Demon. This time around, the champions consist of Blue Demon, Mil Mascaras, El Sombra Vengador, Tinieblas, and El Medico Asenino. And in case any lucha-fans felt the need for at least one full-sized opponent, Zarkoff just happens to have a rogue wrestler, Black Shadow, in his employ.

The spectacle of tiny men vs. big men could be said to embody a minimal psychological myth, but as it happens the writers included an even more unusual one. There had been various masked wrestler films in which the hero, even masked, seemed a little too old for his leading lady. This time, all five heroes are paralleled by very young women, though supposedly all the wrestlers function as godfathers to the ladies. All five girls participate in a beauty contest, where they are cheered on by their respective "uncles." I know that this was presented as an innocent situation, albeit also a transparent way of getting some pulchritude into the story, but somehow the parallelism still seems a bit on the creepy side.


THE WEREWOLF VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMAN (1971)

 






PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *drama*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical*

I saw a streaming version of this Paul Naschy werewolf film under the title in the above illustration, but going by memory it seemed substantially the same as my old VHS rental, which bore the title WEREWOLF VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN. Though WEREWOLF was the fifth in the "El Hombre Lobo" series-- fourth, if you discount the lost second film-- it's probably one of the better known ones.

One never expects much of a plot in a Naschy werewolf film, but this time, Naschy's script has so many wild incidents that the film takes on a dreamlike quality at times, mainly in the early sections. That said, there's a small attempt to follow up on the previous release, wherein Naschy's cursed character Waldemar  was shot with silver bullets. A doctor has heard the story of Waldemar's werewolfism, but being a scoffer of superstitions, he pulls out the bullets-- and El Hombre Lobo lives again.

Some time later, college students Elvira and Genevieve (Gaby Fuchs, Barbara Capell) visit "the South of France" (as the dubbed version says), looking for the legendary tomb of the Hungarian-sounding Countess Wandessa. The Countess was a witch, a Satanist, and a vampire who, despite having fangs, bled the bodies of female virgins to drink their blood from cups-- patently a take on Elizabeth Bathory. Wandessa was executed as a witch in the 11th century, but the two young girls think they can get a good anthropological paper out of the subject.

Elvira and Genevieve happen across Waldemar, who has somehow managed to acquire a castle in the neighborhood. (Lots of Hungarians in France, I guess.) He invites the girls to dinner but forgets to tell them that he has an insane sister roaming the corridors. The sister tries to strangle Elvira, but then gropes her a bit instead, and later tries the same thing with Genevieve, but without the groping. After a few more scenes the sister simply disappears without explanation, unless she becomes one of the Countess's vampire ladies.

With Waldemar's help the girls rather easily uncover the grave of Wandessa, but Elvira cuts her hand and accidentally bleeds on her remains. Wandessa soon revives and promptly vampirizes Genevieve. Meanwhile, Elvira, who's fallen in love with Waldemar, then learns that not only is Waldemar a werewolf, he's also searching for the same silver cross that originally slew Wandessa, in order to terminate his werewolf life. 

There are a few other disposable subplots-- a young man comes looking for the missing Elvira, an ugly guy tries to make it with Elvira, apparently because he's a servant of Wandessa, and there are a few sapphic touches between Wandessa and Genevieve. But the film's climax, such as it is, at least satisfies the promise of the title and gives the viewer a short battle between the werewolf and the vampire woman-- after which Elvira fulfills wolf-man mythology by slaying the lycanthrope she loves-- at least until the next movie.


ASTERIX AND THE BIG FIGHT (1989)

 






PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *comedy*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*


I've never been much of an Asterix fan in any medium, but in this ARCHIVE essay I confessed a mild liking for the album entitled ASTERIX AND THE BIG FIGHT. However, the 1989 animated film given that title in some markets only borrows one subplot from the album, and takes its main plot from an installment I've not read, ASTERIX AND THE SOOTHSAYER.

The principal story concerns Prolix, a phony soothsayer who comes to the village of Asterix and begins sponging off the Gauls by issuing dire presentiments of doom. All of the Gauls are shown as being victim to groundless superstitions, particularly the fear that the sky might fall on their heads. Only sensible Asterix perceives that Prolix is a phony. Meanwhile, since the story needed an excuse for the heroes to beat up Romans, a Roman officer decides to have his men abduct Getafix, the only druid capable of brewing the magical potion that gives the Gauls superstrength. (The latter subplot is all that the movie really took from BIG FIGHT.)

The two plotlines barely manage to dovetail, and hardly any jokes land, slapstick or otherwise. It's never clear why Asterix is so sure that the soothsayer is phony, and his attitude sounds a little too much like that of a modern-day unbeliever, rather than as a barbarian who's spent his whole life associating with a druid who can make a magic elixir. I suppose in the creators' minds, ASTERIX was usually a "one-gimme," in which the elixir was the only marvelous thing the heroes encountered. But that doesn't really account for the pint-sized pugilist's seeming materialism.


BLOODRAYNE: DELIVERANCE (2007), BLOODRAYNE: THE THIRD REICH (2011)

 







PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical*


The financial failure of the 2005 BLOODRAYNE did not impair Boll from getting two more outings in the DTV market. Kristanna Loken did not return for either film, and Natassia Malthe took her place. Oddly, Michael Pare appeared in all three films in the series, though he played a different role each time.

Heroine Rayne, formerly ginger like her video-game source, now sports light brown hair, and though she was last seen in 18th-century Europe, DELIVERANCE has her show up in the American West of the 1880s, with not even a passing comment about what she was doing for the past hundred years. Maybe the writers didn't want to touch on the fact that during that time she's probably been preying on humans to drink their blood, though not necessarily with fatal consequences. Rayne, now wearing standard western attire and riding a horse, seems to be making her way to the town of Deliverance. There's a snatch of dialogue to suggest that she knows someone there, but the matter never comes up again.

Providentially, Deliverance is just where the outlaw Billy the Kid (Zack Ward), for some reason a full vampire, decides to bring his vampire gang. He plans to spread the disease of vampirism until he can raise a vampire army to conquer the country. However, he takes over Deliverance and its quavering citizens as an opening gambit. (Said citizens include Chris Coppola as a reporter and Michael Pare as Sheriff Pat Garrett.) Most impressively for a hateworthy villain, Billy abducts all the children in town, planning to use them as "cover" when he starts sending his agents around the country. Even before Rayne shows up to get in Billy's face, he shows his utter depravity by fanging one of the kids to death in full view of his other juvenile hostages.

The pacing of the action here is much better than in the first film. Before coming to grips with the main villain, Rayne works her way through Billy's henchmen and inspires the townspeople to take up arms against the fiends. There aren't as many anachronisms this time either, though at one point Rayne tricks a non-vampire outlaw into letting her tie him to a bed for sex-games. Malthe is not as charismatic as Loken but Zack Ward is such a juicy evildoer that the climax is much improved, for all that Boll's staging of action-scenes is still only average. Although this version of Billy the Kid has nothing in common with the real outlaw, I would count this film as the only crossover in the Bloodrayne series.



Another sixty years just races by for the immortal dhampire, and now she's part of a resistance movement in WWII Germany, to say nothing of having her hair turn jet-black. (An attempt to make the character resemble Selene of the UNDERWORLD series, perhaps?) She's the only dhampire helping the underground, and not very secretly (she's first seen fighting Nazi soldiers with a bo-staff). Yet the Nazi high command is aware that vampires and their kindred exist. Commander Brand (Michael Pare) is in charge of an attempt to study vampire powers to see how they can be used for the benefit of the Reich. To this end the head scientist (Clint Howard) keeps one female vampire of gypsy extraction in a cell, seeking to learn if it might be possible to confer vampiric immortality upon Der Fuhrer himself.

To Rayne's chagrin, she accidentally confers vampirism on Brand when some of her shed blood splatters on him and enters his system. The creepy scientist locates more of Rayne's blood, creates two vampire pawns and sends them after the rebel, though she cuts them down easily with her swords. (Hey, doesn't everyone carry twin swords in a Nazi-held city?)  Brant vampirizes an expert tracker in order to locate Rayne, but Rayne simply kills the bloodsucker. But she learns of Brand's plan to depart by train to Berlin, so she and her few allies must stop the train before the scientist's vampire-research can be placed in other hands. This leads to a big train-battle in which Rayne destroys Brand and prevents the vampire serum from reaching Hitler. 

Despite Pare's acting mojo, Brand is not that interesting a villain, and though Malthe seems more comfortable in her role this time, she's still just average in her delivery of badass lines. However, THIRD REICH-- surely the first time the phrase was ever used to denote a sequel-- has the best action-scenes of the three films, so that Malthe comes off as equal in that department to contemporaries like Beckinsale and Jovavich. Maybe Boll finally hired a fight coordinator worth his salt.


SCANNERS (1981)

 






PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *drama*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*


Full disclosure: I've never had much use for the horror-plays of David Cronenberg, which one might gather from the fact that in the twelve years of this blog I've reviewed none of the movies he directed and only two in which he acted. I can loosely respect the basic inventiveness of his ideas, but he's not good with characters. Any time I watch a Cronenberg film, I feel as if he's playing puppet-master with the players, putting them through certain plot-based actions without any sense of internal conflict or decision. In my view he has some of Hitchcock's tendency to reduce characters to schematic designs, but without Hitchcock's saving grace of idiosyncratic humor, which makes that director's characters seem more alive.

SCANNERS's main character is bland everyman Cameron Vale (Stephen Lack). He has nearly no history, for his affliction-- that of hearing voices in his head-- has made him into a wandering vagrant. He's first seen through the eyes of a dowager who fancies that he's sexually attracted to her-- after which she succumbs to a spasmodic attack, as if she's been cursed by Cameron's "evil eye." Also in the early scenes is a demonstration of the film's best known effect: a man's head exploding as the result of psychic invasion.

Cameron is captured by a secret institute, Consec, which is overseen by obsessed scientist Ruth (Patrick McGoohan), although the real authority is security expert Keller. Ruth explains that Cameron is one of several dozen individuals termed "scanners," all of whom have mind-reading and telekinetic powers. The scientist further explains that the scanners were created by in utero exposure to the analgesic drug "ephemerol," though Ruth does not immediately mention that he invented said drug. Ruth enlists the somewhat pliable vagrant into the world of espionage, claiming that another scanner, Revok (Michael Ironside), is going around assassinating any scanners allied to Ruth. Though Cameron is logically indebted to Ruth for giving him greater control over his malady with injections of ephemerol, Cronenberg's script provides no solid justification for Cameron to plunge into the world of sci-fi spy adventure. 

I found most of the set-pieces of the film competent but somewhat dull, whether dealing with gun-battles or exploding heads. I concede that the concluding psychic battle between Cameron and Revok deserves its fame, but the revelation of a filial relationship between the two, brought about by Ruth, strained my credulity.

The most interesting aspect of all these spy-fi antics lies in Cronenberg's treatment of psychic phenomena. I've seen thousands of fictional representations of mind-reading, for example. However, most of these depictions show the psychic gleaning the thoughts of his subject as if he were doing nothing more strenuous than thumbing through the pages of a book. One might deduce from this common depiction that most writers think of the interaction of two minds as being (appropriately enough) "ephemeral," as if the mental energies produced by both minds were utterly intangible. Instead, Cronenberg sees psychic force as FORCE in the true sense. A scanner's scans invade a subject's body the same way any physical object would, disrupting the normal functions of the organs, causing nosebleeds, headaches, and exploding heads. In my long experience I can't think of any other metaphenomenal authors who have followed Cronenberg's unique take on mental powers, and I have my doubts that even the various SCANNERS sequels-- none of which included participation by Cronenberg-- even bothered to pursue this unusual story-trope.  


TARZAN'S SAVAGE FURY (1952)

 







PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny*

MYTHICITY: *good*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTIONS: *sociological*

The fourth of Lex Barker's Tarzan films is probably the most exciting of the Barker outings, thanks in large part to snappy direction by Cy (MYSTERIOUS ISLAND) Endfield and a strong script filled with rapid-fire pulp-action and some actual references to E.R. Burroughs' Tarzan books. I suspect that of the four writers credited on imdb Cyril (FORBIDDEN PLANET) Hume was the most likely to have provided these references, since he had also penned three previous Tarzan films before this, not least TARZAN THE APE MAN (1932), which jumpstarted the ape-man franchise for the sound era.

The plot here strongly recalls 1943's TARZAN TRIUMPHS, in which the sociological quarrels of the outside world impinge on Tarzan's jungle paradise. In the earlier film, the jungle is invaded by Nazi troops, but as FURY takes place during the Cold War, the villains are Communists-- although only one, Rokov (Charles Korvin), is faithful to the cause. His accomplice Edwards is an Englishman who, under Rokov's tutelage, poses as Tarzan's cousin from England. The cousin does accompany Rokov and Edwards to Africa, for the purpose of getting Tarzan's help in securing a treasure of diamonds for England's military security. However, once there Rokov kills the cousin, so that he and Edwards can obtain the diamonds for the sake of the Communist regime. References to Rokov's politics are spotty, the best being where he sneers at Edwards' being promoted from "bourgeousie" to the aristocracy through just one bullet.

In addition, the filmmakers apparently gave some thought to giving Tarzan and Jane a new "boy," played by Tommy Carlton, who in 1952 was two years older than Johnny Sheffield was when he essayed the role in TARZAN FINDS A SON! (1939). Though Tarzan calls the kid "boy" a few times, this time the orphan has a real name, Joey. Tarzan, upon hearing the kid speak English, presumes that Joey is English, and comically insists that the boy is English even after Joey claims to be an American. Carlton gives a good performance in scenes where Tarzan has to talk him into facing his fears, and even helps Tarzan out in a climactic scene, but Joey made no more appearances (and neither did Carlton as an actor).

Many Tarzan films fall into a fairly routine pattern of perils but FURY keeps up a good variety of pitfalls. After Tarzan, Jane and Joey lead Rokov's party through a scorching desert (prefiguring Endfield's later hot-spot encounter in SANDS OF THE KALAHARI), the group has a dangerous encounter with a cannibal tribe before being taken prisoner by another tribe, the Waziris, who have access to the coveted diamonds. Tarzan leaves the village in the company of a village elder, and in his absence Rokov beguiles the natives with some wild magic tricks. (This is probably one of the few, if not the only, Tarzan films that can fit my trope "enthralling hypnotism and stage magic!") Rokov then repays the natives' trust by killing their witch doctor and stealing some of their diamonds. For good measure he leaves Edwards to die in a lion pit and then tries to drop Tarzan into the pit as well. After Joey helps Tarzan escape, Tarzan returns the favor to Rokov (as seen in the illo above) and then rushes back to the village, where he's just in time to keep Jane from being sacrificed beneath the jaws of an alligator-idol.

A word on the aforementioned Burroughs-references: in the novels "the Waziri" are the first African tribe to pledge allegiance to Tarzan, and appear in many later books as his retinue. In FURY they remain autonomous to the end, and are presented with some degree of respect. The script even suggests that Darby Jones' witch doctor may have some psychic talent, since after casting the bones he sees a vision of a diamond. This causes him to intercept Rokov in the middle of ripping off the tribe's diamonds, though the witch doctor dies for his trouble. FURY is one of the few sound films to reference Tarzan's aristocratic heritage, though for convenience the origin is rewritten so that Tarzan and his father actually lived together in the jungle for some time before the father's death. In fact, the Waziri remember Tarzan's father as a man who tried to teach them the "Good Book," but thankfully this missionary motif gets very little screen time.

Rokov probably takes his name from one of the print-Tarzan's better villains, Nikolas Rokoff, a Russian (but not Communist) malefactor who gives the apeman a hard time in RETURN OF TARZAN. Here Rokov invades the jungle not with the massive *forza* used by the Nazis in TRIUMPHS, but with *froda.* One might imagine that the guile Rokov uses in his magic performance touches on the manipulations of Communist rhetoric, though to be sure the magic tricks may've come about simply because Endfield himself was a well-regarded practitioner of stage magic. Moreover, FURY was directed roughly a year after Huac named Endfield a Communist-- which may well explain why, even though the film's villains are implied Communists, there's really very little anti-Commie rhetoric here. That said, the film does suggest, better than many Tarzan films, the fate of Africa and other third-world areas being caught up in the quarrels of two opposed "Great Powers."

HONOR ROLL #165

CHARLES KORVIN gets to play that rarest of creatures; a formidable Tarzan villain.



STEPHEN LACK didn't lack the sense to stay away from further Scanners films.



As the new Bloodrayne NATASSIA MALTHE gets very historical-- or is that hysterical?



Don't ask PROLIX to say sooth about the Ides of March; that's some other story.



It's the war between werewolf men and vampire women, and PATTY SHEPARD's on the losing side.



I know TINIEBLAS means "darkness," but I always think they're trying to say "Tiny Bubbles."





VENOM: LET THERE BE CARNAGE (2021)

 


 





PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, psychological*


On viewing the second VENOM film, I realized that both movies had managed to take advantage of a subcategory of superhero films: the "snarky superhero." Possibly that's why this 2021 flick did so well at the box office even at a time when Covid fears were still prevalent. For reasons unknown to me, the previous master of costumed snark, Deadpool, has remained exiled from theater screens since 2018. But Venom-- the combination of hapless human reporter Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy) and an alien symbiote (also voiced by Hardy for the most part)-- made his first appearance in that same year,  and with the sequel proves himself more than able to take up the snark-slack.

As in the first film, the merger of the generally good-hearted human being with the alien results in copious scenes that resemble a conservative "superego" constantly arguing with his disruptive "id." Brock wants a normal life, but Venom is a predator who can barely restrain himself from chomping on human brains, and who constantly wants adventure and self-aggrandizement, boasting to Brock that "eighty billion light years of hive knowledge across universes would explode your tiny brain." Venom helps Brock solve a case related to incarcerated serial killer Cletus Kasady (Woody Harrelson), earning Kasady's enmity. On the day of Kasady's scheduled execution, he invites Brock to the event, and then tries to attack him, provoking retaliation from Venom. The prison guards conveniently don't see the alien's intervention, but Kasady bites off a fragment of Venom's xeno-flesh and swallows it. Somehow the flesh becomes a separate symbiote who bonds with Kasady, helping him escape the law. The new blended human-alien takes the name Carnage, who in the comics was for a time a popular Venom spin-off. This comes at a bad time, for Brock and Venom, despite their biological attunement, finally get so sick of one another that they "break up." (Some hypesters tried to make this sound like a quarrel between gay lovers, when the actual conflict feels more like a row between Felix and Oscar.)

The film's strongest elements are Venom's acidulous remarks about humans, even though he has an odd fondness for Brock's former girlfriend Anne (Michelle Williams). Anne is back again, forced to assume lawyer-duties for Brock when the cops come after him for Venom's deeds. There's also a B-plot in which Kasady/Carnage invites an old flame with a sonic super-power to help him raze the city. Oh, and the old flame, who gets the cognomen "Shriek," also carries a grudge against Officer Mulligan, Brock's confidante on the police force.

While I realize that CARNAGE couldn't duplicate the simple joys of VENOM, I didn't think that the New Symbiote in Town was interesting in his own right. Kasady is only marginally better in his psychological development, possibly because the scripters knew that the ego-id struggle of Brock and Venom was the movie's main selling point. The filmmakers unleash the same level of ultraviolence as the first film-- lots of car/motorcycle chases and metamorphic aliens slamming each other around. Yet the adventure-thrills are not as intense as those of the first film.

A credit-sequence suggests that this version of Venom will show up in the life of the Tom Holland Spider-Man. Be still my beating heart.


LONE RUNNER (1986)

 




PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTIONS: *sociological*

Though it’s hard to quantify, I see a fine line separating those works that are tolerable but uninspired, and those that look like everyone involved made no more effort than punching a time-clock.


LONE RUNNER is a fair example of the former.  There’s nothing in it to distinguish the film for dozens of other low-budget “Max Max” post-acpocalyptic knock-offs, though it does sport one half-memorable opening sequence.  A small group of future-citizens ride through the desert in a stagecoach, and an old nanny tells a little girl about the legend of the “Lone Runner,” a mysterious hero who comes to the rescue of innocents.  As soon as the tale ends, ruthless bandits attack the coach, but who should come to the innocents’ rescue but—ah, you know.  After that, the Lone Runner (Miles O’Keeffe) gets involved in saving a princess (Savina Gersak) from more marauders, who in “Mad Max” tradition are garbed in all manner of goofy 20th-century castoffs. RUNNER is nothing but cheese, but O’Keeffe and Gersak are good-looking protagonists, and though the fight-scenes are unexceptional there are at least a lot of them.  If one’s in the mood for this type of film, there have been many worse exemplars.

THE THOUSAND EYES OF DR. MABUSE (1960)

 


THOUSAND EYES OF DOCTOR MABUSE was Fritz Lang's last film. It transpires in the Germany of 1960, about fifteen years from the end of World War II, yet once again Lang and his collaborators sought to show the vulnerability of ordinary society to master manipulators.  There's no serious intimation that Mabuse has come back to life, even though there have been strange new crimes on the rise, like assassinations in which victims are shot with an "iridium needle." Rather, what we have is a Mabuse manqué , though Lang skillfully directs the audience's attention away from the proper suspect. Here, long after the demise of the Third Reich, Lang is able to directly associate the new Mabuse with the tyranny of Nazism, for the "thousand eyes" of the title are a multitude of cameras placed by an old Nazi hotel. With these cameras the would-be Mabuse gathers immense amounts of intelligence with which to manipulate his victims, relying in part on the illusion of his being a psychic to ply his blackmail trade.

I judge that all of the Mabuse films belong to the Fryean mode of "adventure," but only THOUSAND EYES qualifies as what I call a "combative narrative," one which culminates in a violent exchange between formidable forces-- in this case, the minions of Mabuse and the tough Inspector Kras. A few years later Gert Frobe, the actor who played Kras, would play a signature villain now better known than Mabuse, when Frobe essayed GOLDFINGER in 1964.

SAMSON (1961)

 







PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*


In contrast to the moderately interesting plot of GOLIATH AND THE GIANTS, which Brad Harris completed in or around in 1961, SAMSON is entirely run-of-the-mill.

There's no attempt to follow any aspect of the Samson story from the Bible, except that late in the story the doughty hero pulls down a series of columns to destroy some enemies. Samson is just a wandering, unattached strongman who happens to return to the country of Sulan. The viewer later finds out that the hero once friendly relations with the former (blonde) queen Milla, but now Milla's been replaced by new (brunette) queen Romilda, with whom Samson had a dalliance of some sort. Romilda's not entirely evil, though, because she's another example of a weak ruler manipulated by an evil advisor, one Warkalla (celebrated singer Serge Gainsborough). 

I'm gathering that at this point a lot of raconteurs had grown contemptuous of their audiences, for there's very little originality to SAMSON. The girls are nice to look at, and Samson triumphs over some tests, like the usual spiked-device tug-o-war. The only fairly animated scene is an early fight between Harris's Samson and another strongman, dubbed as "Millstone," possibly with some waggish reference to Samson's experiences in a mill. The latter was played by Alan Steel, who would soon headline his own peplum adventures, the best of which is probably HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN.

TARZAN AND THE LEOPARD WOMAN (1946)

 



PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTIONS: *sociological*


Coming right on the heels of the superior TARZAN AND THE AMAZONS, this outing, third-to-last in Weismuller's ape-man oeuvre, is a little disappointing.  True, it's fun to see the series get away from variations on the "white-men-seek-elephant's-graveyard" schtick, and to see Tarzan pitted against more "outré" villains than usual.  Indeed, High Priestess Lea (Acquanetta) and her leopard-man cult-- men who dress up in leopard skins and kill their victims with metal claws-- are the most colorful enemies Tarzan ever fights in the Weismuller years.

Still, there was some room for improvement.  This is the one of the few times a Tarzan menace was based on a real phenomenon in African culture-- a leopard-cult that was active from World War I until about two years after this film debuted.  Yet Black Africans are entirely elided from the film, even though there is still an ethnic conflict between the colonial whites and the slightly darker natives of fictional country "Zambesi."  I have not yet catalogued the number of appearance of Black African potrayals in the Tarzan series-- I may give it a try here in future posts-- but I have the impression that many Tarzan films of the period began to avoid showing them.  This may have been a response to negative press re: stereotypical portrayals, though obviously Black Africans did appear later in the Tarzan films of Gordon Scott, Mike Henry, and others.

In any case, the basic conflict is still the colonizers vs. the colonized, and there's a strong ideological bent here to showing the fruits of European civilization as entirely positive.  Near the film's beginning, Tarzan, Jane and Boy visit a village in the Zambesi territory, and all ones sees are schools educating the (darkened Caucasian) kids, prosperous merchants, and exotic entertainers like snake-charmers.  Even Tarzan, who usually badmouths cities and civilization generally, has nothing negative to say about village life.  But there's a snake in this Eden aside from the one in the snake-charmer's basket: Doctor Lazar, a native educated in Europe who secretly wishes to drive out all colonial influences in Zambesi so that his people can return to the ways of war.  To this end Lazar helps Priestess Lea-- whose name is suspiciously akin to that of villainous "Priestess La" in the Burroughs books-- establish her cult. The cult begins by attacking and wiping out a caravan, but the leopard men aren't ready to go public yet, so they make it seem as if the people were wiped out by real leopards.

The local commissioner-- played by Dennis Hoey, reprising his clueless "Inspector Lestrade" role rom the Universal Sherlock Holmes series-- is completely fooled, but Tarzan is not.  "Leopard not use only claws.  Use teeth too."  Unable to do more, he returns to his jungle home with Jane and Boy.

As it happens, conspirators Lea and Lazar-- whose relationship may or may not be romantic-- also have a young boy in their company: Lea's young brother Kimba.  Since Kimba is roughly the same age as Boy, the effect is that of the three being villainous counterparts to Tarzan and his family.  Fittingly, then, Lazar's relationship to Kimba is anything but fatherly: he regards the youth as a pest.  Kimba, wishing to serve his sister, sees Tarzan as a potential threat.  He seeks out the family's jungle home, and, pretending to have been lost in the jungle, plays on their kindness and infiltrates them like a latter-day fifth columnist.

The leopard men become bolder, attacking another caravan in order to abduct its women for sacrifice.  Boy comes across the leopard men's hidden cave and so becomes their target as well, though Tarzan arrives in time to defeat the killers.  Later, Kimba exposes his true villainy to Jane, but Boy arrives to fight his negative counterpart. By the climax Tarzan, Jane and Boy are all captive in the leopard men's cave, awaiting sacrificial execution.  Cheetah-- whose brand of humor is not nearly as intrusive this time-- comes to the rescue, cutting everyone's bonds so that they can escape.  Tarzan ends the leopard cult in true Samsonian style, destroying the cave's supports so that the roof comes crashing down.  The only villains to survive are Lazar and Kimba, and they end up finishing one another off.

This is a rousing if simplistic jungle-adventure, with above-average stuntwork in the leopard-men attacks.  Considering that the film's title places the "Leopard Woman" in the forefront, though, Lea seems curiously without personality, and even Acquanetta's natural beauty doesn't receive a great deal of visual emphasis. 


MAGIKANO (2006)

 






PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *comedy*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical*


I haven't read the original manga of MAGIKANO, but I've no reason to believe that it holds any deeper currents than the 13-episode anime series. The latter is without doubt a fairly typical "harem comedy," in which a bunch of girls compete for the attentions of a particular, often oblivious male character. Because the anime is so short, there's no resolution to any of the romance-arcs, and so at the conclusion everything ends up at the same status quo as seen at the opening.

One of the main tropes here is that of "supernatural beings trying to remain incognito in the modern world." Of the four children of the Yoshiwara family-- whose parents are conveniently "away" for the whole series-- the oldest, Haruo, is a male high-schooler, while his the three sisters are respectively two teens (Maika and Chiaki) and a young pre-teen, Fuyuno. (All four are named after the Japanese words for the seasons, though this datum has no particular symbolic resonance.) Haruo is blissfully unaware that all three of his sisters are witches possessed of great powers. Nothing much is said about how they got that way-- no allusions to parental inheritance--- though the girls have occasional contacts with some vague "witch's council" along the lines of the BEWITCHED teleseries. Haruo also possesses great potential magical powers-- toward the end of the series it's belatedly revealed that he's the reincarnation of a demon lord-- but his sisters, who assume a quasi-maternal role in his life, have chosen to keep him from becoming aware of their common heritage, or even the reality of magic in his world. Any time Haruo witnesses anything witchy, one or more of the sisters clobber him with "memory erasing hammers," after which he forgets what he saw as well as the hammering experience.

The young women seem content to keep their beloved "big brother" in complete ignorance, which may also ensure that he remains tied to their apron strings. Oldest girl Maika has somewhat stronger feelings for her "onee-san," though her "forbidden love" is played entirely for laughs. Then an unrelated witch intrudes upon their domestic bliss, citing the authority of the Witches Council to become the maid for the Yoshiwara household. This young witch, Ayumi by name, has the ulterior motive of seeking to sleep with Haruo so that she can end a magical curse on her fortunes. There may be more background to this curse in the manga, but in the series it's just an excuse for Ayumi to attempt Haruo's seduction and to butt heads with the sisters, particularly with the overly covetous Maika. To make it worse for the sisters, three other pretty witch-girls start setting their caps for Haruo as well. Through it all Haruo remains unwitting of both the seduction attempts and the magical battles, largely because he's fairly dim even without the application of  the memory-hammers.

Though a number of the episodes are just studies in sexual frustration, the series does boast a substantial number of combative magic-battles, not only between Ayumi and the sisters but also with the four of them allied against such menaces as a ghost-girl, a robotic maid-servant, and Ayumi's power-crazed witch-sister. Chiaki and Fuyuno more or less end up accepting Ayumi's presence in the house even though she never succeeds in seducing Haruo, and while Maika and Ayumi remain intense enemies throughout, there's a sense that the four of them "bond" over their common desire to protect the helpless male. Indeed, I consider Ayumi and the three sisters to be the centric presences of the story, while Haruo seems as much a supporting character as the other girls competing for his affections.

All of the sexy fanservice, with or without incest-motifs, is pedestrian, but the general sense of the absurd rescues even the weaker episodes. The creative animation of the magical battles is the standout aspect of MAGIKANO.




HONOR ROLL #164

 For THE YOSHIWARA SISTERS, there's no con like a brocon.



If a leopard can't change its spots, what can't leopard woman ACQUANETTA change?



BRIDGET COREY considers asking Samson if he could use a little trim.



GERT FROBE gets more screen time than the villainous Mabuse in this sixties revival of the master criminal.




SAVINA GERSAK plays "Tonto" to the Lone Runner.



WOODY HARRELSON invites Venom to a bar where everybody hates his face.



JUSTICE LEAGUE: GODS AND MONSTERS (2015)

 


 





PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *psychological, sociological*

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

If one must yield to the temptation to go where "Mirror Mirror" has gone before, one could at least put a little thought into how the characters in the alternate world, who are "good" in the normal universe, take on negative traits. Certainly almost any amount of thought would be superior to the clumsy building-block approach of the unjustly celebrated FLASHPOINT PARADOX.

Unlike that opus, GODS AND MONSTERS-- a title borrowed from a line in the 1935 BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN-- seems to have no comic-book prototype, having originated from a story by Alan Burnett and Bruce Timm. The writers refreshingly diverge from the usual alternate-universe trope in that all the action remains in the alternate dimension, with no crossovers to the "normal" cosmos. Further, the script concentrates only on the changes fate wreaks upon "the trinity" of DC's most famous characters-- though two of the three are barely related to their originals-- and they're not precisely evil here, but simply ruthless in their quests for justice, as if the characters were being seen through a "Punisher"-lens.

The Bad Superman keeps at least the general outline of his template's origin. He's still rocketed to Earth when the great planet Krypton starts to explode, though he begins the journey as the unfertilized egg of his mother Lara. Jor-El is just about to apply male input to the egg via their advanced tech (rather than the old-fashioned way), when evil General Zod intrudes. In this iteration Zod has actually caused Krypton's destruction with his martial ambitions, but such is his arrogance that he inserts his own genetic material into the birth-matrix. The rocket delivers its cargo to Earth, but this time baby Kal-El is taken in by a kindly Mexican couple, so that he takes the adoptive name Hernan Guerra, and dons a very different costume when he becomes Superman. (He also sports a sinister goatee, possibly a shout-out to the aforementioned STAR TREK episode.) He has various run-ins with Lex Luthor as well as a fractious relationship with such legal authorities as Steve Trevor and Amanda Waller.

In contrast, Bad Wonder Woman has nearly nothing to do with her template. She comes not from an island of Amazons but from the culture of New Genesis, one of two outer-space "god-cultures" introduced in Jack Kirby's epic NEW GODS concept. Rather than Diana, her name is Bekka, a cognomen borrowed from a minor character in the Kirby opus. The script devotes a fair amount of time to the origin of Bekka, but none of that material bears that strongly on the main plot. Her closest tie to the normal Wonder Woman is that she apparently had a relationship with Trevor, though they're no longer a couple in "real-time." The script also refrains from resorting to the old chestnut of a Wonder Woman-Superman romance.

Bad Batman is still rich, but this time he's Kirk Langstrom (aka "Man-Bat" in the comics), not Bruce Wayne, and I'm not even sure if his parents got killed by despicable criminals. Unlike Langstrom this hero doesn't transform into a hybrid-creature, but at some point before the main story, he's been transformed into a vampire. His powers aren't well defined, though he does snack on a few corpuscles, and he does wear a Bat-costume with built-in gimmicks. Prior to his vampirism Kirk was close friends with robotic expert Will Magnus and with a young woman both men loved, Tina. (In DC comics Magnus is renowned for creating a sextet of heroic robots, the Metal Men, one of whom is named Tina.) Both of Kirk's friends play a central role when Batman investigates a plot designed to make the hardnosed Justice League look like full-fledged criminals in the eyes of the law.

The script sets up Luthor to look like the instigator of said plot, in which one-eyed robots carry out a campaign of systematic assassination against many of the world's greatest scientists, killing off such DC luminaries as Ray Palmer and Victor Fries. Naturally, Luthor isn't responsible, and since the script doesn't have time for red herrings, it's pretty obvious that the true villain is that little old Frankensteinian mad scientist and robot-maker Will Magnus. 

This version of Magnus resembles the comics-template only in that the alternate-world version has only created one "Metal Man," name of Tin, though at the climax we learn that Will's wife Tina isn't all she seems to be. Magnus doesn't have a really strong reason for creating a horde of killer robots and framing the Justice League for those murders, but he's largely just the script's means for putting the three almost-antiheroes through the mill, so that to some extent they clean up their act and start functioning for the good of mankind. Overall, while none of the "bad" heroes offered any stunning new psychological or sociological insights, each of them did get a decent melodramatic arc, with a particularly interesting turn for Wonder-Bekka in the romance department. Additionally, though Lois Lane makes a few appearances in the story, she's initially no more a friend to Bad Superman than Luthor is, though the denouement leaves the door open for a change in feelings. Only poor Kirk gets all his romantic bridges burned in the finale, with not even the suggestion of a Good Catwoman to offer some romantic respite.

HELLSING (2003)

 


 




PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*


Five years before Kouta Hirano would finish his shonen manga HELLSING, Studio Gonzo took a fresh approach to adaptation. Possibly realizing that the main conflict of the manga was extremely complicated, depicting a "war of monsters" in an alternate version of Earth, the producers chose to introduce all of the characters important to the manga, but to have them contend with a menace of the studio's concoction. While this might have allowed for some interesting innovations, the only interesting parts of the 2003 HELLSING are those adapted from the manga.

The three main characters-- the vampire Alucard, his "master" Lady Integra, and young neo-vampire Victoria Seras-- are substantially the same as their manga counterparts, and they still work for the organization Hellsing, devoted to opposing outbreaks of supernatural forces. Hellsing, founded by Protestants, meets some opposition from Iscariot, a rival group founded by Catholics, but in theory both seek to quell the rise of a new breed of "artificially made vampires" by an unknown mastermind.

Gonzo adapted some action-sequences from the manga as well, particularly Alucard's morphing into an amorphous, many-eyed form. But the villains are not worthy of the Hellsing group, and so it's just okay monster-fighting, nothing more. Alucard gets a final duel with the hidden mastermind's main henchman, so it may be that the producers were hoping from another season. Happily, a studio named Geneon got the nod instead, and they released a series of original animation videos under the rubric HELLSING ULTIMATE, which were far more representative of Hirano's manga. In summary, while the 2003 HELLSING is watchable, I can't imagine anyone choosing it over the ULTIMATE pleasures.


LAND OF DOOM (1986)

 






PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *psychological, sociological*


LAND OF DOOM was one of the few American attempts at profiting from the MAD MAX breed of post-apocalyptic adventures, appearing in theaters about a year before another American production, STEEL DAWN. I rated DAWN as a disappointingly pedestrian work, and though LAND is a little better, it too doesn't do anything to challenge the reputation of George Miller.

LAND is particularly regrettable because it's one of the few films in this subgenre to focus on a heroine, the character of Harmony (Deborah Rennard). She's first seen escaping a gang of motorcycle-riding raiders, and she almost immediately comes across a wounded man, one Anderson (Garrick Dowhen). Harmony doesn't trust strangers and initially thinks about leaving Anderson behind, but he talks her into letting him tag along. Despite Anderson's sporting a huge bloodstain on his shirt, from then on he seems to get over his wound so quickly that neither of them mentions it again.

Then Harmony finds out that Anderson was formerly associated with the raiders, for one of the thugs captures both of them, planning on taking Anderson back to the tender mercies of the gang's leader Slater. But after binding Anderson, the raider tries to rape Harmony. With some very minor help from the tied-up Anderson (he shouts so as to distract the rapist at a crucial moment), Harmony is able to kill her assailant. Then Anderson has to talk fast not to be left behind, arguing that though he tried to reform the group, he was cast out due to the evil Slater's megalomania. Reluctantly Harmony frees Anderson and lets him come along again.

From that point onward, LAND is just one episodic exploit after another, mostly against "Slater's Raiders." Neither the heroes nor their opponents have even minor melodramatic motives, and most of their quirks-- like Slater's wearing a half-mask over his face-- are never given any context. Clearly the script was written quickly, which almost guaranteed the movie's pedestrian nature.

Only Rennard's performance raises LAND above the completely mediocre. Harmony is prickly from the get-go, and though it's suggested that she might have an anti-male feeling because of having been raped, Harmony never affirms or denies this possibility. She softens toward Anderson just because of consuming loneliness, though his good looks may play some role in her acceptance of his presence. That said, even though both characters are equally vague in their backstories, Anderson is really just a support character in Harmony's tale.

DEATH RACE 3: INFERNO (2013)

 






PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*

Since all the principal actors from the previous film return, and the director and writers are all the same, INFERNO is inevitably more of the same as Part 2. Considering how some franchises have wandered aimlessly looking for inspiration, though, predictability has some charms.

The biggest change-up is that the script shifts the action from Terminal Island to a South African race course, presumably because some of the film was shot in that terrain. The Ving Rhames character from the previous entry serves two purposes before he disappears: he fixes Lucas's disfigured face (so main actor Luke Goss doesn't have to remain in makeup all the time) and he loses ownership of the Death Race franchise and signs it over to a rich British guy, Niles York, who insists on the change of venue. At this point all of Lucas's friends, including his lover Katrina, think he's dead, although they've had suspicions about Frankenstein after working with him. York tells Lucas that he wants the driver to lose one of his races, and Lucas capitulates to keep York from harming his friends.

Eventually Katrina and the pit crew find out Frankenstein's true identity, and all resent not being taken into his confidence, despite his excuse of York's blackmail. Katrina no longer wants to be Frankenstein's navigator, but she's obliged by York to compete with a bunch of other female prisoners for the privilege. (The battle is something of a reprise of the "Death Match" setup from Part 2, but with a melee of girls kicking the crap out of each other.) York and his female aide Satana find yet more ways to torment Lucas into obedience, but of course, by the final race Lucas comes up with a means to defeat not just his competitors but also the man pulling the strings.

The Lucas character is still underwritten, but the script gives the support players more to do, particularly Danny Trejo and Tanit Phoenix. These two prequels come to a predictable but satisfying end and the final entry in the remake series comprises a literal sequel to the 2008 DEATH RACE. 


TALES OF AN ANCIENT EMPIRE (2010)

 


 





PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *psychological*


Director Albert Pyun passed away in 2022, but though I've not seen his entire repertoire, his best known works were confined to the 1980s and 1990s. The decline in Pyun's work was directly tied to his serious illnesses, but though his 21st-century works seem negligible at first glance, one exception was this 2010 film, a very loose sequel to the director's first movie, the CONAN-mockbuster SWORD AND THE SORCERER. The sequel-elements are fairly dubious: a handful of re-used names that don't necessarily tie to the original characters, the reappearance of the titular "sword," from the first film, and a cameo by Lee Horsley, though he's not called by the name of his character Prince Talon and seems extraneous to the plot-- more on which later.

The script is by Cynthia Curnan, a writer-producer with whom Pyun frequently collaborated in the 21st century. She may have sought to make the EMPIRE script match Pyun's own early projects, because EMPIRE is just as loosely plotted and spotty on exposition as the average Pyun movie from the 20th century. Because EMPIRE's story wanders so, it's hard to tell if Curnan meant to play off one of the most familiar aspects of the Conan-concept, in which the mighty thewed barbarian roamed from place to place, not only gutting evil sorcerers but also humping innumerable distressed damsels. EMPIRE comes close to being a commentary on the downside of the hero's inveterate wenching, for four of the five main characters of the story are such a hero's bastard offspring, and the fifth is the grown daughter of one of the hero's daughters.

Now, in the original 1982 movie heroic Prince Talon actually was not known for far-flung wenching, and he ends up marrying female lead Princess Alana at the movie's end, though there's no telling what might have happened if a sequel, promised at the end of SORCERER, had come to pass. My unverifiable theory: Pyun and Curnan considered having this much-delayed follow-up rewrite Talon's history by making him more Conan-esque. But perhaps Horsley didn't want to play that role for whatever reason, for in the twenty-years-previous prologue, Curnan creates a new character, Oda (Michael Pare), who is renowned for getting it on with assorted damsels. In fact, Oda  doesn't even stint at cohabiting with the monstrous female  vampire Xia (Whitney Able) after killing her evil father Xuxia. (The latter cognomen was also the name of SORCERER's main villain, but the two characters are not coterminous). In fact, Oda also gets Xia pregnant, but the hero courteously waits until Xia delivers her vampire-child, and then he kills Xia, seals her in a tomb, and gives the vampire-kid, later named Kara, to be raised by the rulers of Abelar.

Twenty years after the prologue, treasure hunters break into Xia's tomb, and she revives. After Xia conquers a city with her monstrous pawns (which conquest the viewer does not see), Maat, queen of neighboring city Abelar, decides that their only possible savior is Oda, the man who previously slew Xia. Though Maat is not related to Oda, her half-sister Tanis (Melissa Ordway) is told to seek out the father she's never known. The child of Oda and Xia is also still in Abelar, working as a handmaid to Maat, and she may have been intended to be a secret agent for Xia, though the script never has Kara do anything of consequence.

No one knows where Oda is, but Tanis finds out the location of Oda's only son Aedan (Kevin Sorbo). She finds Aedan in a tavern, cheating at cards and almost getting killed by a hulking warrior until Tanis intervenes to save her half-brother with her martial skills. Aedan tries to reward Tanis by groping her, earning him a knee in the balls. Eventually, in exchange for a bounty from Maat, Aedan agrees to lead Tanis to Oda. Along the way Aedan rescues a second half-sister, Malia, from prison, and the three of them go looking for the fourth half-sister (that they know of). This is Rajan, who runs a tavern and has the aforementioned grown daughter Alana. (Yes, Curnan named Oda's grandaughter after Talon's wife. Try to bring that sort of thing up at Thanksgiving dinner.)

At this point, Pyun and Curnan's money must have been running out, for the rest of the movie devolves into barely connected scenes with only fits and spurts of action. Rajan and Alana take the other three to meet Oda, but the meeting doesn't actually take place, though they do meet a character billed as "The Stranger" (Horsley), who oddly fascinates Tanis and who gives her a not-very-fatherly kiss on the mouth. Oda, though, comes back into the story, since he locates one of Xia's vampires and finds out about Xia's return, and then kills the vamp with Talon's patented projectile-sword. At some point Kara joins the anti-Xia party, and after some desultory battles with crude vampires, the heroes also run across Oda, though the meeting is entirely anti-climactic. Xia is defeated offscreen, and Oda continues his deadbeat-dad pattern by faking his death so that his children won't bug him anymore. The film concludes with the implication that there will be more "tales," but it's probably fortunate that there were not.

Though I feel sure Curnan composed her script on the fly according to all sorts of exigent circumstances, one ruling concept does unite the incoherence: the Zeus-myth. Oda is an alpha-male father whose offspring, like the offspring of Zeus, spend the rest of their lives trying to cope with their unusual patrimonies. In a strange way Aedan becomes an Oda writ small, for he's the only male in the group, followed around by four women who can't help but look like a mini-harem. Aside from Aedan coming on to Tanis, there's an odd scene in which Alana greets her uncle by holding a knife to his throat. Was there some inappropriate contact between Aedan and either his half-sister Rajan or his niece? Who knows, but-- "like father, like son."

Kevin Sorbo, the default star, is the only actor who gets a few decent lines, and he makes as much as he can of roguish Aedan. That said, if there's truth in the speculation that Pyn and Curnan couldn't afford Horsley once Sorbo was on board, I would have preferred to see EMPIRE take its original form, not least because the literal presence of Prince Talon would firm up the movie's qualifications as a bonafide sequel.

LEGION OF IRON (1990)

 





PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*


At least one imdb review wondered why LEGION OF IRON is not better known among enthusiasts of bad cinema. And therein may lie the film's only real relevance: that even a film that's "so bad it's good" has to have something about it that strikes audiences as a misbegotten response to something they might normally appreciate. PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE may work for viewers because the audience is aware of good alien-invasion films like 1953's THE WAR OF THE WORLDS.

LEGION's concept is as preposterous as anything in an Ed Wood movie, but it doesn't have a chance of coat-tailing on any better films. At the outset, two high-school students-- football star Billy (Kevin T. Walsh) and his girlfriend Allison (Camille Carrigan)-- are abducted and transported to a bizarre underground civilization which combines aspects of ancient Roman arenas with modern ideas of fight clubs. No rationale for the setup of this weird city are offered, nor does reigning queen Diana (Erika Nann) really explain why Billy was selected to be one of the gladiators pressed into service. (Allison is only brought along to use as a means to persuade Billy to obey the rules of the Roman Fight Club), LEGION's three writers don't even bother to come up with a name for the bizarre city.

Billy, though no more than a flat stereotype of a moralistic American kid, only reluctantly participates in the games-- and even then, only because Queen Diana comes up with a potent motivator, allowing one of the recent victors to have his choice of bed-partners. Billy is forced to watch Allison raped by muscleman Rex via closed circuit TV, and after that, the football player lusts to destroy the rapist. 

Diana, a Sadean princess of the first order, clearly hopes to convert the virtuous kid to her evil, but he lacks any training in mortal combat. Enter the hero's trainer, a Black guy named Lyle, who willingly trains Billy while assuring the youth that he too wants to win free of Diana's evil dominion.

Oddly, the writers of this non-epic keep Billy squeaky-clean, but Allison is for a time converted to the dark side. In one scene, Diana threatens to kill both of the newbies unless Allison beats Billy with a club, and she complies, albeit reluctantly. So far, not that bad. But then Diana somehow seduces Allison, presumably with Sapphic persuasions, so that for one scene Allison dresses and acts like a tart. This humiliation to Billy is furthered when he challenges Diana to a swordfight, and she easily trounces him. But she spares him for future corruption-- and a little whipping down the line as well-- not realizing that eventually Billy and his allies will bring the Queen's weird ancient-modern cult crashing down. 

Erika Nann gets the best lines, preaching her nihilistic philosophy of power, but the dialogue is still unmemorable, and she's not able to make the character come alive even to the extent that, say, Tor Johnson makes his dopey policeman perversely interesting. The other actors are at best adequate, which puts them a little above the players in a Ted V. Mikels film, but their characters are no better. I suppose the guy playing Lyle-- who calls himself "Black Superman" at one point-- embarrasses himself the least, but his character is gratuitously killed so that Billy and Allison (once more back to being a good girl) to escape their evil fate. The arena fight-scenes, presumably the department of four-time director Yakov Bentsvi, are competent, so in that respect LEGION is a little better than the "action" one sees in a Wood or Mikels film. But the film just doesn't invest enough energy in its own lunacy to deserve the "so bad it's good" tag.


HONOR ROLL #163

The villainy of modern Amazon ERIKA NANN overshadows the bland heroism of the film's actual star.



MELISSA ORDWAY has both father and brother issues.



TANIT PHOENIX arises from the ashes of her opponents-- or is that asses?



DEBORAH RENNARD dooms all  who would transgress upon her "land."



Junior vampire VICTORIA SERAS lends fists and fangs to the service of her master.



This familiar trio isn't actually called THE TRINITY in their movie, but since none of them are coterminous with their original models, I'll use that familiar name for DC's "Big Three" to denote their alternate-world versions.