RISE OF THE BLACK BAT (2012)

 


 




PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*

I wanted to like this adaptation of the old prose-pulp crimefighter The Black Bat. The most famous version of the character debuted the same year as Batman, though the two characters were probably conceived independently. The Bat was also one of the first "blind crimefighters." In an origin that probably influenced the story of Bat-foe Two-Face, crusading prosecutor Tony Quinn is attacked by a criminal who blinds him with acid. However, in Quinn's case, a special operation endows the lawyer with renewed sight, including the ability to see in the dark. He then takes on the persona of the Black Bat to bring down both the men who blinded him and many other evildoers.

The script by one Trevor (JURASSIC SHARK) Payer reproduces the basic scenario accurately. Prior to launching a major case against the strangely named gang-boss Oliver Snate (yes, that's the name in the pulp story), Quinn (Jody Haucke) is blinded by acid. Carol, a young woman who loathes Snate for killing her father, sponsors an experimental operation. After the operation is done, Quinn finds that he can see perfectly in the dark (nothing's said about him seeing in the light). This inspires him to take on a bat-like vigilante persona and to go after criminals, culminating in his taking down Snate.

 The hero's costume is serviceable and there's even some decent background music. However, everything else-- the locations, the feeble action-scenes, and the direction by Brett Kelly-- is strictly from hunger. Worse, none of the actors can act. And for that matter, the script doesn't bear close scrutiny. Prior to Quinn being blinded, he confers with a mousy young woman who's apparently his intern or something. Seemingly introduced as a support-character, she turns out to be the one who blinds him-- and then disappears from the narrative. 

To be sure, I've read the first few tales of the prose hero, and they weren't that memorable, so the Black Bat wasn't a great classic of the pulp days. But there was some genuine potential in the original series, and RISE doesn't come close to realizing it.


INVINCIBLE POWER OF KINDNESS (1993)

 


 






PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *drama*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, psychological*


This film's unusual streaming title persuaded me to check it out, as well as learning that one of its co-stars was the famed kung-fu performer Ti Lung. According to various online reviews, though, KINDNESS is a condensed version of a movie running three hours, A WARRIOR'S TRAGEDY-- a title also used onscreen for this adumbrated streaming version. To further complicate things, KINDNESS/TRAGEDY was also a nineties remake of a 1977 chopsocky, THE PURSUIT OF VENGEANCE. That film also starred Ti Lung in the role of Fu, a stoic fighter determined to avenge past wrongs to his family-- but this seventies movie is not readily available to me, any more than the three-hour TRAGEDY.

I can't judge the long version of this film, but the condensed one seems less like a "tragedy" and more like a mystery, one of the many Chinese spectacles in which practitioners of kung fu end up playing detectives in order to suss out who did what to whom. KINDNESS is complicated in that this time here are two fighters who are initially uncertain as to whether or not they should be allies. One is the aforementioned Fu, a grim fellow with a limp (whose bad leg never prevents him from jumping about like an Olympic gymnast). The other is Yip Choi (Frankie Chan), a jovial fellow who uses humor to disarm opponents, though he has his serious side as well. Both are invited to a dinner by a kung-fu master, Ma Hong-kwang, who is rumored to be the mastermind who slew a famed swordsman, Pak, who was Fu's father. But is Ma the killer, or is it one of several other suspects?

As with many Chinese mystery-movies-- some of which I've reviewed on this blog-- this one throws out so many side characters that their dramatic impact is weakened, even in a film like this one, with a lot of strong performances. And the matter is complicated in that all of the characters in the drama are wuxia swordsmen. They often sport weird weapons (an invisibility cloak makes an early appearance here) and magical powers that they can transfer to their weapons, or even just neutral physical objects. There's nearly no one in KINDNESS who even comes close to being an ordinary human being. Nevertheless, Ti Lung and Frankie Chan have good chemistry, and many of the support-players-- such as Ma's daughter (Anita Yuen) have strong moments, as when she seeks to seduce both fighters into doing her will. 

KINDNESS does not have a good reputation online, though that may be the result of some reviewers drawing comparisons to the seventies iteration. Chan, in addition to being the movie's co-star, also directed and co-wrote the script from its source novel, and I think he did at least as good a job as Tsui Hark did in similar splashy FX-films of the eighties.  Some reviewers complained about the overabundance of wild powers and weapons seen in KINDNESS, and this makes me wonder if any of these critics ever saw a wuxia film before.  On IMDB I looked over Chan's credits as both actor and director, and the few Chan movies I'd seen hadn't knocked my socks off. At very least, he should be praised for giving most of the main actors a lot of close-up character moments, which is not exactly a strength found in a lot of Chinese chopsockies.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST (2006)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, psychological*

I'm sure Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer saved a ton of money by shooting this movie and its sequel back-to-back, and since audiences loved Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow, both films made bank at the box office. But director Gore Verbinski and his team sure sacrificed the simple, elemental appeal of two good-hearted but conventional lovers who have their world turned upside down by a roguish pirate with a heart of fool's gold.

It's a year later since the events of the first film, and Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann (Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley) are due to be married soon. However, a Navy official named Beckett shows up at Port Royal, ordering the arrests of the two lovers for having aided the escape of wanted pirate Jack Sparrow (Depp). Beckett's also looking for former Naval officer Norrington, but this is merely a plot-device just to let the audience know that the character will show up later in the story. Beckett has zero need for Norrington, because his real plot is to use Elizabeth's captivity to blackmail Will into finding Jack Sparrow.

After the first hour, it becomes clear that the poor excuse for a plot is just a series of "go find something" tasks. The crude assemblages of goals put me in mind of the old kids' song "The Old Lady Who Swallowed the Fly:"

Will follows Jack Sparrow to find Jack's compass,

And they use the compass to find a key,

And the key they use to open Dead Man's Chest, 

And in the chest they find a heart

From another chest, that of Davy Jones,

And with that heart they can win their desires--

I understand that most pirate adventures owe a debt to TREASURE ISLAND, but all these different doodads become tedious, particularly since they're just there to pad the film's running-time. The supernatural being Davy Jones (Bill Nighy with an octopus-face), a former human transformed into a keeper of dead souls (and the captain of the Flying Dutchman), holds control of the seven seas. Anyone who can gain custody of Davy Jones' heart will also control the oceans-- which is Beckett's endgame.

After about an hours' worth of pointless stunts, Will does find Jack and reunites the querulous captain with his crew and his ship-- as well as new crewman Norrington, who nurses old grudges against both Will and Jack. While they head off to find the Flying Dutchman-- which is crewed by a bunch of fish-men-- Elizabeth wins free of prison and goes looking for Will.

The makeshift mythology here includes not only Davy Jones, but also a goddess called Calypso and a giant Kraken. I recall that these matters get a little more exposition in the third film, but I imagine the audience just rolled with it all while waiting for Johnny Depp to show up and be funny. Will has a subplot in which he meets his long-lost father, now a member of the Dutchman crew, and Elizabeth once more appears to be slightly tempted by Jack's chaotic charms. Elizabeth gets to swordfight this time, as well as handily tricking tricky Jack, while the best stunt in the film is a three-way blade-battle between Jack, Will, and Norrington. But there were also a lot more boring scenes that one should expect from a Jerry Bruckheimer production.

THE MASTER DEMON (1991)

  






PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTIONS: *metaphysical*


"Measured choice" time again. MASTER DEMON is one of many undistinguished shot-on-video projects, starring a handful of familiar supporting-actors to give it marketability. But is it as bad as, say, SOUL OF THE AVENGER? And the answer is no, because SOUL burns up its run-time with dull sequences irrelevant to its hypothetical martial-arts content. DEMON's fights are almost all badly shot and arranged, but the movie doesn't make a pretense of being about anything BUT fights, which is a mild virtue.

So the demon of the title is an archaic Chinese being (Gerald Okamura) slain in some vague archaic time by a Chinese guy oddly named The White Warrior (Eric Lee). The actors, both of whom appeared in John Carpenter's BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, then reappear in the 20th century. Lee becomes a martial-arts fighter named Tong Lee, who seems to know all about what transpired in antiquity and may be the White Warrior's reincarnation. Okamura's character Cheng though seems totally independent of the Master Demon, being a dealer of ancient artifacts. He accidentally summons a supernatural servant of the Master Demon, pumped prodigy Medusa (Kay Baxter Young), and she repays the dealer by killing him. Medusa goes looking for a mystic token in order to revive her Demon Master (whoops, got it backwards), and she finds the token in the possession of low-rent private eye Cameron (Steve Nave). She gets the token from Cameron and summons some kung-fu fighting servants to off the private dick, but Tong Lee shows up to thwart the assassins. But in jig time Medusa uses the token to revive the Master Demon in Cheng's dead body, and he summons a small army of bad kung-fu fighters from somewhere. Now the only people able to prevent the Demon from conquering the world are Tong, Cameron, Cameron's kung-fu secretary (Ava Cadell), and the secretary's cop boyfriend. And as stated, everything in the film is either a bad fight or a lead-in to a bad fight.

Writer/director Samuel Oldham doesn't ever come up with any worthy brain-fried dialogue for any of these goofballs, so don't expect DEMON to give competition to even the least of Ed Wood's offerings. DEMON does offer some of the worst makeup jobs ever seen in a cheapjack film, so that fills in some of the dull spots. Similarly, it's rare to see a martial arts movie with so many poorly choreographed fights. It looks like all the male performers had no idea how to deliver fake blows, so that all the punches and kicks look wildly misdirected. Oddly, only the two females look fairly authoritative when they're kicking ass, but Cadell only has three-four short fight-scenes, and Young doesn't get into fights per se, since she just slams opponents around with her massive muscles. Cadell and Nave are the only performers who seem moderately invested in their paper-thin characters, but this isn't much of a recommendation given that Lee, Okamura and the cop-actor get more scenes, and they're all bad ones.

If one isn't a fan of bad makeup jobs and bad fight-choreography, though, DEMON's sole virtue is that of being the only movie performance of Young, best known for promoting the popularity of women's bodybuilding contests. DEMON was her only movie role before being killed in a car crash, so at least this cinematic sludge preserves a decent sampling of scenes spotlighting Young's impressive physique.

RESIDENT EVIL: DEATH ISLAND (2023)

  

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*

Though DEATH ISLAND appeared six years after VENDETTA, the filmmakers did their level best to present this film as a rough sequel. Villains Arias and Diego from VENDETTA are referenced, while Diego's daughter Maria follows up on her quest for vengeance, established in the closing moments of the earlier film.

ISLAND is still pretty good kickass, zombie-smashing action, but it's a little disappointing in that the new Big Bad is not nearly as good as Arias. That said, Dylan Blake has clearly been designed to have a trauma-arc like that of Arias. Several years before the main action of ISLAND, he's a mercenary soldier hired by the Umbrella Corporation, creators of the T-virus, to quell the rampaging zombies. Blake, forced to kill his best friend when he's infected, decides to unleash an ultimate bio-terror upon mankind to exterminate the depredations of human beings, as well as to expunge his sense of personal guilt. The script proposes a weighty theme but doesn't manage to sell it adequately.



However, one element where ISLAND excels is the one in which VENDETTA was deficient: fighting femmes. The RESIDENT EVIL franchise became well-known in narrative cinema for spotlighting the tough-girl character of Alice-- but she was an original creation for the live-action movies. At some point, the filmmakers intended to emphasize the game-character of Jill Valentine, and though that character made one or two live-action appearances, ISLAND seems to be the first time the game-character gets a worthy adaptation. Valentine and her soldier-partner Leon Kennedy are essentially the stars of this outing, with other regulars-- Rebecca Chambers, the Redfield siblings-- in secondary roles. Valentine arguably gets more narrative attention, given that she's being "introduced" to the motion-capture series, and if she's not as superhuman as Alice usually is, she's still a formidable femme. And although Maria Gomez takes the hard fall this time, the filmmakers gave her an excellent hand-to-hand battle with Kennedy to go out on.

X-MEN: THE ANIMATED SERIES, VOLUME THREE (1994-95)

  

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*

At this point it's hardly worth reiterating that Volume Three offers a sampling from both Seasons 3 and 4, for reasons that are not evident. My only general feeling is that some stories show a bit more originality, as opposed to adapting established tales with some cosmetic changes.

SAVAGE LAND, STRANGE HEART, for example, builds on the X-Men's last visit to the Savage Land, but mostly drops Magneto's mutates in favor of pagan priestess Zaladane, who conspires with the X-foe Sauron to revive a god (probably also a mutant). This narrative only slightly resembles the X's first encounter with Zaladane. Ka-Zar and Shanna guest star but Shanna gets no lines.   

Four episodes are devoted to the second half of the Phoenix Saga. Again, the Phoenix Force is changed into a more sentient entity, rather than a discarnate force that unleashes the "id" of Jean Grey. Thus Jean doesn't seem compromised when the Hellfire Club corrupts Phoenix, and when Phoenix goes berserk and destroys the sun of an alien system, no living beings are harmed, in contrast to the original story. The denouement allows Jean to live but she's phased out of the rest of these episodes.



I frankly don't remember how, in the comics, Cyclops finds out that Corsair's his long lost father, but this version is probably as good as any other.    



Less well-realized was an episode devoted to charter X-hero Iceman. It starts out well, showing the frosty crusader as having broken away from the X's because he wanted a normal life. But then there's a confused plot about Iceman breaking into a military base to save his girlfriend Lorna-- only to learn she doesn't need saving, because-- she's now part of a new group of motley Marvel mutant-heroes? Why bring back Iceman just to recapitulate a big melodramatic breakup with his GF? Maybe the writers liked Nightcrawler better, since he certainly gets a better solo outing.

Finally, from what I can tell, an episode called "One Man's Worth" seems to be an original attempt to do another dystopian "Days of Future Past" tale, but with an ongoing romance between the future versions of Storm and Wolverine. Nothing in the volume knocked my socks off, but I was sometimes diverted.

HONOR ROLL #306

 PHOENIX rises to the occasion.


No one gets a card on JILL VALENTINE's day.


Both the heroes and villains of "Master Demon" are pretty dull, but arguably there's more emphasis on the latter, if only thanks to KAY BAXTER YOUNG.


 The rose is off the bloom for ORLANDO BLOOM.


Be kind and rewind, FRANKIE CHAN.


Nobody asked for an adaptation of The Black Bat, but JODY HAUCKE gave us one anyway.




   

 

CAPTAIN AMERICA BRAVE NEW WORLD (2025)

  

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*


BRAVE NEW WORLD made me miss THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER. 

I found that MCU series deeply offensive with its reverse-racism (a new iteration of White Captain America must perforce be evil) and its championing of terrorism (if the rebels check the right boxes). However, at least FALCON made me angry. BRAVE was just boring.

Reputedly the script was reworked many times to make it less polarizing in a political sense. The touchups didn't help BRAVE's box office, which only made back about twice what the film cost. But it seems what the screenwriters sought to do, before the edits, was a more extreme version of the general scenario in CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER. Instead of the hero confronting the excesses of the military-industrial complex, which got turned against the Americans who paid for it, this time Cap Falcon must go up against the excesses of a President steeped in duplicity and immoral conduct.



Yes, of course it's Trump, or the screenwriters' reframing of Trump into the established character of General Ross. The general was first established in live-action films in the HULK movies and initially portrayed by William Hurt, whose death forced a recasting in the form of Harrison Ford. The writers' fantasy-version of Trump is both emotionally unstable and a practiced criminal conspirator, and these contradictory traits are the characteristics they transplant onto the Ross character to serve a rather formless polemic. In previous appearances Ross was established as being a hardass military-man/politician, though hardly a master planner, but since becoming President of Marvel-Earth, he apparently ups his game. In the comics, Ross' life takes an ironic turn when he, like his perennial hulking nemesis, becomes the recipient of a gamma-curse, becoming "the Red Hulk" in 2008 (oddly, the same year as the second HULK feature film). I know little about the crimson goliath of the comics, but in BRAVE, I suppose Ross "Hulking out" is supposed to signify his temperamental inability to lead the country. 



To be sure, there's a loose explanation as to how Ross became an insidious master planner: he drew upon the talents of the one MCU villain whose evil career never got off the ground. The creation of "The Leader," a perennial Hulk antagonist in the comics, was only suggested at the end of INCREDIBLE HULK. However, at some point Ross got access to the man who would become the Leader, and had him incarcerated in a "black site," just so Ross could use Leader to guide his political career. However, Ross also developed heart failure-- as well as becoming estranged from his daughter, the woman who loved Bruce Banner-- and so The Leader started slipping his jailer medication that would bring out Ross' inner monster. This was really a good enough revenge by itself. But because the writers wanted to emulate WINTER SOLDIER, the Leader is also responsible for an absurd Rube Goldberg scheme that involves mental enslavement and the deaths of many people who never harmed the supervillain.        

Harrison Ford doesn't succeed in making Ross interesting, though I think he tried harder here than he did with his reprise of Han Solo in FORCE AWAKENS. Still, even though the intertwined destinies of Ross and The Leader don't offer much beyond cross-comparisons, that's more than any other character did. My biggest critique of Anthony Mackie's version of Captain America is not that it's bad because Original Cap Was White and Always Should Be. It's that he's not a Black character who has any clue about why he ought to represent America. As far as I can tell from this film and from the miniseries, America is just a big bundle of dirty laundry, and Sam Wilson's gonna be the guy who airs all the nasty odors, like the usual suspect of "systemic racism." Further, all the charm Mackie projected in the role of The Falcon is gone, replaced by a dour Black Captain who makes occasional lame jokes in between big serious speeches. Speechifying, by the way, is the way this Captain "defeats" Red Hulk. He pretty much has to, as the main hero has nothing capable of taking out such a monster. So why oppose the two in the first place? It's like the film's writers never read any of the comic books they're supposedly adapting.

I have no idea what the early script meant to do with the character who was somehow both a former Black Widow AND a Mossad agent, though the filmmakers did elide any Mossad references after certain groups didn't like them. Whatever they meant to do, she's dull, the "Falcon trainee" is dull, and "guy who was the super-soldier guinea-pig" is dull. Tim Blake Nelson, who also played the proto-Leader in INCREDIBLE HULK, does reasonably well projecting an implacable, icy hostility, but I for one didn't care about another story where the US is the bad guy and all the other countries (mostly Japan this time) are square shooters. The "brave new world" championed by these filmmakers seems to be one in which America and its worst representatives are prosecuted for all their crimes, but no one else is. But for such a world, "brave" is not the correct adjective. 

MONSTER ISLAND (2017)

 




PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous* 
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *comedy*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, psychological*

I almost want to create a neologism for movies that look a lot like the once-celebrated Pixar brand of animated features-- "Pixar-rips," maybe. The Mexican-financed CGI flick MONSTER ISLAND has at least the general look of a Pixar film, as well as a comfortable sort of "be yourself" moral. Not surprisingly, ISLAND lacks the wit and distinctive design-sense in the better Pixars. Still, I've seen much worse in the realm of original kid-vid movies.

For once, the title's accurate in that most of the story takes place on the island. For the first half hour, middle-schooler Lucas lives with his widower-father Nicholas, coping with school bullies and flirty girls. Nicholas constantly badgers Lucas to regularly dose himself with a special inhaler, to stave off some "attacks" to which their family is vulnerable. However, when Lucas attends a party of his schoolmates without using his inhaler first, he's somewhat torqued to learn that without that chemical, he turns into a huge, winged orange monster. He manages to reach his dad, and Nicholas reveals that though he sacrificed his ability to change into a monster somehow, the rest of their family-- including Lucas' late mother-- dwell on a special island called Calvera. 

I suspect that director/co-writer Leopoldo Aguilar was not too concerned about his universe, for it's never clear to what extent the human world knows about Calvera, or if there's any connection to the multifarious types of creatures there with regular humans. Lucas manages to reach Calvera to learn more about the family he never knew, which includes his big orange grandmother and an uncle named Norcutt, who seems to be a "recessive" type of creature since he looks like an ordinary human. Every entity on Calvera, no matter his or her bizarre shape, wears clothes and lives in a peaceful city, and thus aren't really "monsters" except in the sense of not looking like human beings. Their only problem is that some mysterious malefactor has been kidnapping Calvera's citizens. Hmm-- who could it be? Could it be the one resident who feels as isolated from his people as Lucas did from his middle-school peers? 


          

 If ISLAND offered nothing beyond Lucas's struggle with his monstrous identity, or Nicholas' desire to protect him, the film would have earned only poor mythicity from me. However, I rather liked Norcutt, who's motivated by "monster envy" to the extent that he's been draining off something-or-other from captive Calverans. His purpose is to transform himself to a powerful, malicious entity-- in other words, what most people think of when they hear the word "monster." Monster-Norcutt is the movie's only reasonably well-designed critter, and though ISLAND is supposed to be a comedy, its best scene is a big battle in which Lucas and Nicholas, both of whom are in monster-form, contend with Norcutt and his two bulky henchmen. Otherwise, there's not much here, though as I said ISLAND at least looks better than a lot of cartoon kid-vid and would probably be reasonably satisfying to munchkins.  ISLAND apparently made enough dough that three years later that Aguilar made another cartoon feature, which despite the name of MONSTER ZONE, seems to have nothing to do with ISLAND.


X-MEN: THE ANIMATED SERIES, VOLUME TWO (1993-94)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*

Volume One of this series didn't confine itself to the show's Season One but added on three episodes from Season Two. Volume Two shows even greater impatience, adding a full seven Season Three episodes to the mix. This does allow the collection to conclude with an adaptation of a major comics storyline, The Phoenix Saga-- or at least the first half of it. 

Narratively speaking, Two features the same game, mixing old and new material to make the cartoons resemble the then-current comic books. But though there's no evident change in creative personnel, Season Two looks better. Perhaps succeeding in the ratings gave the second season a bigger budget, resulting in better animation for both drama and fight-scenes,

Notable moments include:

--The finish of a long plotline with Magneto and the Professor stuck in the Savage Land, beleaguered by a bunch of mutants Magneto created. Marvel heroes Ka-Zar and Shanna guest star.

--Wolverine gets a quickie origin and encounters the Canadian hero-team with whom he trained, Alpha Flight. So many heroes are jammed into one episode that what appeal the Alphans had in the comics is nullified here.

-- Though in my Season One review I doubted that the showrunners would delve into the intricacies of Rogue getting her powers from Ms. Marvel, they actually did a decent job with the conceit, though the plot is necessarily simplified and Ms. Marvel does not have an active role in the main story. Rogue's involved relationship with Mystique gets attention as well.

--Lady Deathstrike's origin is revised to make her an old Wolverine girlfriend, which adds nothing to this iteration of the character.

--And finally, the Phoenix Saga comes across well enough, though it skimps on Jean Grey's reaction to becoming a powerhouse and implies that her empowerment was part of some entity's scheme to protect a cosmic gateway. Cyclops' lost father Corsair appears but his paternity is not discussed.  

ELLA ENCHANTED (2004)


PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous* 
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *comedy*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, psychological*

Wiki informs me that ELLA ENCHANTED is only a loose adaptation of its source novel, which I have not read. But though ELLA may be loose in one sense, in one sense this simple, tongue-in-cheek fantasy is tighter than two recent overbaked retreads of famous fantasies: 2024's WICKED PART ONE and 2025's SNOW WHITE

All three of these "magical-era fantasies" use fairytale-tropes to comment on perceived real-world injustices. The two later movies, though, construct sloppy scenarios, with WICKED imagining that Oz is "species-ist" towards its alleged talking-animal population, and SNOW supposing that its princess grows up in a non-hierarchical kingdom that would warm the heart of any Socialist. ELLA utilizes (but did not invent) an idea similar to that of WICKED, in that heroine Ella of Frell (Anne Hathaway) grows up in a world where human royalty has exiled most of the non-humans-- elves, ogres, and giants-- to the forests, if not turning them into abject slaves. There's no real depth to ELLA's politicized fairytale either, but since it only involves simple expropriation, the base scenario is not as stupid as those of WICKED and SNOW WHITE.

Ella also grows up more beleaguered than many fairytale heroines, for in a storyline derived from "Sleeping Beauty" and "Cinderella," Baby Ella receives a bad birth-gift from an extraordinarily stupid fairy godmother: that of obeying any verbal command. I don't know how the book justifies the godmother's whim, but the movie shrugs off any justification in order to get the story rolling. Ella manages to keep her vulnerability secret until she's a young woman, but when her mother dies, her father (barely a character in the film) remarries, saddling Ella with a cruel stepmother and two nasty stepsisters.

The script gets a lot of comical mileage out of Ella's predicament, but her wish to protest the marginalization of magical beings brings her into a meet-cute with the wryly named Prince Charmont (Hugh Dancy). She brings the injustices to the attention of the gullible, not-yet-crowned prince, and the script makes it eminently clear that all the bad stuff has been orchestrated by his evil uncle Edgar (an unrecognizable Cary Elwes). Ella is also occupied with a search for the addled godmother in the hope of getting the obedience-spell reversed. In the end, Ella is the one who figures out how to undo her compulsion, which was a fresh approach.

Ella also accrues various supporting characters, including a talking book and an elf who wants to be a lawyer (!), but the story's main romantic thread is always the focus, and the script manages a good balance of humor and drama. There are no established fairytale characters in the story, and characters frequently make anachronistic references, mostly to modern pop music. Ella is the sole eminence here, and a big concluding fight-scene demonstrates that for no clear reason Ella can both swordfight and do kung fu. ELLA isn't a deep film, but it executes its simple scenario with a decent sense of style and moderately amusing jokes.  

POOTIE TANG (2001)

 



PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *comedy*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTIONS: *sociological*


The character of "Pootie Tang" first appeared in sketches on Chris Rock's HBO series of the late nineties, and later grew into a feature-film, written in part by Rock and directed by another comedian, Louis C.K., although the latter disavowed the final cut of the film.

I can't imagine what the final cut might've left out, for POOTIE TANG is, despite being utterly silly, fairly tight for a superhero spoof. Aside from a largely inconsequential frame-story, in which the protagonist is interviewed about his own movie, the story starts out with showing urban hero Pootie Tang (Lance Crouther) taking out a small gang of drug-dealers, led by the Pigpen-like gangsta "Dirry Dee." Pootie displays no well-defined super-powers, but he's able to dodge bullets purely by his smooth dance moves, or to deflect bullets with either his long braids or with the belt he wears, which he also uses to bludgeon hoods. It seems that the only thing Pootie can't do is to speak the English language, in that he constantly mixes English words with an undecipherable slang of his own creation-- though for the most part both white and black listeners seem to understand what he says.

Pootie is such an incredible media-phenomenon that kids everywhere love him, turning their backs on drugs and other temptations. This development enrages multi-conglomerate honcho Dick Lecter, because it affects the bottom line of his corrupt companies. Realizing that he can't take out the hero by force, he uses guile, in the form of a temptress named Ireenie (Jennifer Coolidge). Despite the fact that there's a good black woman who pines after the hero, Pootie lets himself be seduced by Ireenie, even though she does so in a singularly weird manner: accosting the noble fellow in a supermarket and both slapping and kicking him. Like Delilah before her, Ireenie learns the hero's secret weakness: take away the magic belt given Pootie by his father, and he loses all of his power. Lecter steals the belt, and Pootie loses his moral compass, signing a contract that allows Lecter to exploit his image without Pootie's consent. Finally, not having a Fortress of Solitude as a retreat, Pootie wanders out into some rural community, which leads to a handful of surprisingly mild redneck-jokes. Without giving away too much, suffice to say that Pootie Tang learns that his true powers stem not from the belt but from his inner "goodness," allowing him to regain his heroic stature and take down the villains.

I'm not sure if the protagonist's mangling of the English language was intended as a spoof of slang-language in general, but though this is the film's primary joke, happily it isn't the only one. Indeed, the best bit in the film appears when Pootie cuts a record which is entirely devoid of music or lyrics, but people still dance to it as if it were the hottest new track out there. As noted, most of the story derives from the Samson myth, though there's a curious, not-particularly-funny scene in which Pootie also plays Jesus, in that Pootie apparently brings a slain hoodlum back to life purely through the hero's agony over the man's death. It's an odd scene that doesn't have a function in the plot, but it's pleasing in its very peculiarity.

STARFORCE (2000)

  

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous* 
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *drama*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*

Short review: STARFORCE, though weak in the plot department, is a much more serviceable example of a low-budget "space military" flick than nine-tenths of similar films in the same price range.

In yet another routine space-opera future, the ruling council of the united planets is protected by the Starforce, an elite cadre of test-tube bred soldiers. Space-pirates devastate the population of a colony world before being driven off by Starforce. One officer, Temetrian, crash-lands on the planet but the other Starforce soldiers don't find him right away. While stranded, Temetrian finds one survivor, a young boy named Zeb Lucene and protects the child until rescue comes. By that time, the soldier and the kid have bonded as surrogate father and son, and when Zed grows to maturity (and is played by Michael Bergin), Temetrian uses his clout to get Zed inducted into the Starforce, despite his not being genetically engineered. The first 15 minutes sets up a pretty good scenario re: Zed's need to prove himself despite opposition from his teammates.

However, then the plot proper begins, and that's where STARFORCE ceases to make sense. Zed is ordered to deliver medical supplies to a colony world, but his ship malfunctions so that he crashes. Back at Starforce, the absent Zed is accused of having stolen a ship, and his alleged orders are disavowed. So someone's got it in for Zed.

Zed survives the crash and is succored by Dahlia (Amy Weber), one of the denizens of the world-- which turns out to made up of criminals who had their sentences remitted for becoming colonists. However, apparently the authorities did a rotten job of surveying the planet, for the colonists have learned that their adopted world is rich in priceless tridium. The colonists have been debating the best way to profit from their discovery, but Zed has happened along just as some secret killer starts knocking off some of the residents.

There's no logic to why the murderous agent and his sponsors, a renegade unit of Starforce, needed Zed to be on the scene, except that there's no story if he's not there. However, if one can turn off one's awareness of the plot's failings and just focus on Zed and Dahlia fighting off nasty stormtroopers for the rest of the movie, STARFORCE provides tolerable diversion.

HONOR ROLL #305

 MICHAEL BERGIN: a Starforce of one.


For years LANCE CROUTHER had to explain that his movie wasn't about what it sounded like.

HUGH DANCY's a prince both charming and combative.


 Never pop the cherry of a JUBILEE.


No self-respecting monster would choose a name like LUCAS.


TIM BLAKE NELSON's the lead-ing light in a world both cowardly and hackneyed.

 



  

HULK AND THE AGENTS OF SMASH, SEASON ONE (2013-14)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, psychological, sociological*   


Both this TV cartoon and AVENGERS ASSEMBLE were launched in 2013, the year after the MCU culminated its "Phase One" sequence of films with THE AVENGERS. Both animated serials followed the template of the MCU AVENGERS in terms of mixing heavy-action sequences with lots of comedy relief-- as indeed the Classic Marvel comics had. ASSEMBLE enjoyed six seasons while SMASH only got two. But with the former show, credited to showrunner "Man of Action," ended up producing a show with merely superficial humor and characterization-- unintentionally presaging the rot that would overtake the live-action MCU by Phase Three. With the latter program, showrunners Paul Dini and Henry Gilroy accomplished more in two seasons than Man of Action could have done with twice as many episodes. In short, Dini and Gilroy captured the fun of early Marvel comics.


Though both shows were free to pick and choose from the vast array of heroes and villains in Marvel's complex continuity, SMASH has much more fun with their choices, while with ASSEMBLE, every reference feels a lot like homework (a common complaint about the later MCU, by the way). What most surprised me about SMASH was how interesting they made all the HULK continuity from the 21st century iterations, few of which I've visited. Naturally a cartoon made for commercial TV had to change some things. SMASH's Red Hulk, though he has the same basic origin as the comics-version, is much less of a physical threat, while the barbaric powerhouse Skaar is not literally the Hulk's progeny, though there's a loose figurative filial relationship between the two. In the comics Hulk's perennial sidekick Rick Jones was only briefly changed into the monstrous "A-Bomb," but the cartoon's A-Bomb is more of a juvenile joker as well as a hypester, turning his exploits with the SMASH team into the stuff of podcasts. She-Hulk stays pretty much the same, strong and sassy, while the Big Green Guy manages to be a "smart Hulk" who doesn't come off as a cloying castration of the original hero's monstrous appeal.


I won't review all 26 episodes of SMASH's first season, for though I enjoyed them all, they could be fairly criticized for a certain sameness. Their best feature is, as I said above, the writers' ability to peg particular parts of the Marvel mythology and give them added appeal. I can't exactly quantify what SMASH does right and ASSEMBLE does wrong, except to say that the choices of SMASH don't seem nearly as predictable. For instance, thanks to a time-travel jaunt, the Hulk, a sixties co-creation of Jack Kirby, brings back to his time a big crimson dino called Devil Dinosaur to serve s pet-- the original "Devil" having been one of Kirby's 1970s creations. I enjoyed the episode "Deathlok" less for the presence of the titular cyborg hero than for the fact that the evildoers were the shapechanging Skrulls, whom the MCU tried to recast as some sort of put-upon marginalized alien race. And then there's "The Hunted," in which the Not So Jolly Green Giant gets stranded on Marvel's version of Monster Island, which plays host to over a dozen weird creatures culled from Marvel's "monster books" of the 1950s and 1960s. Of course, a lot of ideas don't work at all, like a bizarre plotline in which the ADD-afflicted A-Bomb tries to study the mystic arts under Doctor Strange. But usually even the episodes with hokey plotlines have some funny bits in them. Voicework is uniformly fine, with the standouts being Fred Tatasciore as Green Hulk, Clancy Brown as Red Hulk, and Eliza Dushku as "Too Sexy for Your Party" She-Hulk.
                 

THE STORY OF KARATE, FISTS, AND BEANS (1973)

 






PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*


BEANS (so titled because one of the two heroes likes all food, but especially beans) is one of a seemingly endless supply of Italian knockabout comedies. This one stars a duo of protagonists right out of THEY CALL ME TRINITY, a handsome cad and a big dumb brute having slapstick adventures in the Old West.

It's also one of various Italian flicks that worked in some chopsocky action thanks to the martial arts-movie craze of the seventies. All the "karate" in BEANS stems from a Japanese cook (Iwao Yoshioka) who aligns himself with the dopey duo. This character is also the source of all the film' metaphenomenal content, all pretty much in one scene. The cook is seen using his prowess to (a) chop down a small tree with his hand, (b) strike sparks from flint with his hand to make a fire, and (c) yell a "kiai" so loud that it strips the feathers off a dead bird so he can roast it. Were it not for the other two "skills," I'd probably consider that one a cartoony departure from reality.



The only halfway interesting part of BEANS is that the duo joins with other reprobates in seeking to liberate a banker's daughter from a gang of Mexican bandits. The reprobates think she's a little girl, and she turns out to be a very big girl, played by six-foot-tall Francesca Romana Coluzzi. She doesn't fight so much as deck guys with single power-punches, and one of her punchouts includes accidentally knocking out the "Bud Spenser" guy among her rescuers. 

BEANS must have made money, because the director, Coluzzi and other performers in this film returned three years later for an even loonier film where a martial arts guy shows up in medieval England for ROBIN HOOD: ARROWS, BEANS AND KARATE. There's no metaphenomenal content here, and Yoshioka and Coluzzi play roughly the same type of characters as in BEANS. But Yoshioka only appeared in five movies, while Coluzzi had a good long career in Italian character parts, in addition to playing the role of the mother of the 1985 RED SONJA.


STAR TREK: PICARD (SEASON ONE, 2020)

  

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous* 
MYTHICITY: *good*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *drama*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, psychological, sociological*

SUPER HEAVY SPOILERS

Before venturing into this review, I wrote this essay to demonstrate that any nostalgic appeal for the STTNG series the producers hoped to evoke with PICARD was all but absent in me. In part I wrote:  

In the 1980s, as Roddenberry saw the franchise he'd created taken over by other hands, TNG gave him his last chance to infuse a teleseries with his guiding ethos. Yet this time he didn't want a series that stressed heroic action and character conflict. As many TNG critics have observed, Roddenberry wanted characters who had advanced beyond personal interest, not least with regard to that old devil sensuality. As the characters lacked personality in those early years, the players couldn't do much except to pontificate-- though always with the most earnest attitudes possible. For me, as a viewer not much impressed with TNG's early years, the culmination of this tendency appeared most egregiously in the first-season episode "Skin of Evil," which I call "The One Where Picard Has Righteous Conversations with an Oil Slick." 

What little online criticism I'd seen of PICARD had been negative, and I had little reason to extend the show any benefit of the doubt, given that PICARD's producer Alex Kurtzman also had his fingers in the Trek TV shows DISCOVERY and STRANGE NEW WORLDS and in two of the last three TREK theatrical movies. All of these I deemed garbage whose only merit was to make even the weaker TREK entries of the Rick Berman years look like genius. So when I liked PICARD, I can only posit that the crucial difference for me was Season One's showrunner was novelist Michael Chabon. For me, Season One's ten episodes bring out the Liberal political themes of TNG better than any ten episodes of the original series-- though of course PICARD has the advantage of presenting a unified narrative.

It's quite possible that some reviewers didn't like Chabon's labyrinthine storyline, and I must admit that I don't think it fully tracks, though that doesn't invalidate other qualities. Chabon drew strongly upon two TREK narratives I've not revisited since their theatrical debuts-- NEMESIS (2002), the last movie to spotlight the TNG cast, and the 2009 STAR TREK, which did not involve the TNG mythos but which Chabon seems to have retconned into said continuity, at least with respect to one event. Since I think Chabon's reworking of the TNG mythos was key to my enjoyment of the season, in this review I'm going to focus less on the story's dramatic twists and turns than on the phases of the Chabon timeline-- hence, SPOILERS.

PHASE 1-- In the distant past, a mighty civilization is destroyed by their populace of androids, usually called "synthetics." Though the organics die, they exile the synthetics to another dimension, and leave behind a recording, known as "The Admonition," to warn other sentients of the consequences of empowering synthetics.

PHASE 2-- At some later millennium, the Romulans discover the Admonition. A secret society, the Zhat Vash, dedicates itself to the prevention of another synthetic uprising.

PHASE 3-- The events of TREK NEMESIS transpire, culminating in the death of the synthetic Federation officer Data. As I recall, in that time-frame synthetics are not prevalent.

PHASE 4-- The events of TREK '09 transpire, though the only event referenced in PICARD is the destruction of Romulus, the Romulan homeworld. Chabon asserts that this event takes place in TNG time, and that Admiral Picard leads a humanitarian effort to rescue the imperiled denizens. However. not all Federation officials approve of succoring the Federation's rivals, and for that reason, the Zhat Vash takes an action that some might deem counter-intuitive. Apparently synthetics are being used in greater numbers at the time, so Romulan operatives somehow mess with a large number of synthetics on Mars. The synthetics revolt, which somehow impairs the Romulan rescue effort. Reactionary elements in the Federation use the revolt as an excuse to both shut down the rescue effort and to legislate against the further creation of synthetics. Picard opposes both measures and seeks to reignite the rescue effort by threatening to resign-- only to have his resignation accepted. Picard does succeed in rescuing a large number of Romulans and relocating them on the planet Vashti, but then the former Admiral goes into seclusion.

PHASE 5-- Unbeknownst to Picard, Data, prior to his death, created at least two twin female androids, Dahj and Soji, with the help of human scientist Maddox. Both are separately raised by human families without their even knowing they're synthetics, probably to keep them from being destroyed under the new laws. Maddox, wanting to continue his synthetic research, emigrates to another planet with some like-minded associates and populates that world with an android population. (It's a fine touch that the world is named Coppelius, after the robot-making mad scientist of Hoffmann's story "The Sandman.") The Zhat Vash wants to annihilate all the synthetics, but they don't know where Coppelius is. But they are able to locate Dahj and Soji. For some reason, agents Narissa and Narek track Soji to her workplace-- an abandoned Borg cube-- and seek to tap her memories to learn the location of the homeworld that Soji has buried in her subconscious memories. Other agents of Zhat Vash seek to abduct Dahj for similar treatment, but her cyber-skills activate and she kills them. Other memories surface, leading Dahj to seek out Picard-- who then has to learn all of this continuity in reverse order.

Though many details of the scenario are weak, they serve quite well to advance the political ethos of the story, which coheres admirably with a running trope from TNG: "androids are people too." PICARD is almost lyrical in its efforts to champion synthetics as not just an underclass in need of rescuing, but as a species of "children" that deserve the kindness and amity of all sentients. And while the Romulans are "the bad guys" for choosing to make synthetics into scapegoats, they are not, as in many TNG episodes, totally wrong. Toward the latter half of the season, the inhabitants of Coppelius are aghast to learn that a Romulan fleet seeks to destroy their world. Picard and his new crew cannot save them, but the synthetics can reach out to the extradimensional androids to save them. Picard is naturally just as much opposed to a Holocaust of organics as of synthetics, and he manages to sway the Coppelians to renounce the alien synthetics (who are seen briefly as some sort of tentacled Cthuluoids).

Speaking of the support cast, PICARD includes two characters from TNG, Troi and Ryker, and one from VOYAGER, Seven of Nine, but they play only small, though resonant, parts. Picard engages a new motley crew to aid him in his investigation, and while none of them are compelling, they all serve their purposes well enough. The only crewmember that shows potential is the Romulan youth Elnor, who views Picard as the father he never had but resents the admiral for having absented himself. The two villains Narissa and Narek are much better than most TNG foes, though. Narek inserts himself romantically into Soji's life to probe her memories, and his sister Narissa is visibly jealous of the hookup, threatening Narek to make sure he sticks to the mission. Narissa gets a solid demise in a battle with Seven of Nine-- one of several well-choreographed fight-scenes in this season-- but Narek's fate, that of being apprehended by Federation forces, was left on the cutting room floor.

But inevitably the show wouldn't work if Patrick Stewart didn't bring his A-game. I reject critics who said Picard is just "carried along" by events, for he's clearly the moral linchpin of Season One. Stewart's Picard is just as intermittently righteous and self-deprecating as he ever was in TNG, but here he's dealing with an issue far more substantive than most of those seen in the old show. (And I say that as a person that doesn't automatically validate the many Liberal permutations of the save-the-marginalized trope.) PICARD is a rare example of a sequel that improves on the original-- though I see that Michael Chabon may not contributed as much to ensuing seasons as to this one.

X-MEN: THE ANIMATED SERIES, VOLUME ONE (1992-93)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*

Oddly, the collection I'm reviewing isn't really confined to the 13 episodes of Season One; it adds on the first three episodes of Season 2 for good measure. This does have the minor advantage of giving me more of the "Morph arc"-- that is, the disposition of the original-to-the-series shape-changer of that name. He was introduced in the first two-part of Season One with the intention of his being an "instant casualty," but though he's not a compelling character, it was interesting to see how the writers brought him back and then exiled him again, at least for the near future. This doesn't mean, however, that the faux Season One-- which I'll henceforth call "Volume One--ends without other dangling plotlines.

X-MEN '92 was a fan-favorite in its day, simply because it was the first major attempt to adapt the popular franchise to any other narrative medium. For me personally, though, the success of the adaptation is compromised at best. "My" X-MEN was the classic run from the 1970s through the early 1980s, and I lost interest for the most part in the 1990s and thereafter. But X-MEN '92 was devoted to spotlighting a number of characters and creations that were getting heavy play in the late 1980s and early 1990s and melding them with stories from the classic run.

For instance, in the comics the arc DAYS OF FUTURE PAST was an intense time-travel tale in which the future-era character of Shadowcat journeyed back to the 1980s to inhabit the body of her teenaged self, with the end of forestalling a major crisis in the past. The cartoon keeps some of the same beats as the comics-tale, but the time-traveler becomes 1990s character Bishop, whose appeal as a character I find baffling. The arc still sets up the usual anti-mutant paranoia, as in the comic, but there's no emotional kick to the plot-events. 

The "classic run" characters-- Cyclops, Jean Grey, Storm, and Wolverine-- usually receive less interesting character-moments, while another classic character, Colossus, is confined to a guest shot. The scripts instead emphasize later characters Gambit, Jubilee, and Rogue, and of those three, only Rogue is executed with a degree of charm. (Her involved history with Ms. Marvel is naturally not referenced here, but it did occur to me, as a result of viewing the first season, that there was a good reason Rogue became more popular than the Carol Danvers character.) 

The animation is very limited in the first season, and that takes away from any pleasure I might get from seeing the merry mutants kick ass against evil. I was amused by the episode "Slave Island" simply because it worked in a half-dozen mutant-cameos, many of whom had no lines, though later I had to wonder why said mutants-- all of whom were kidnapped to be slaves on the island of Genosha-- were all performing their slave-duties in their gaudy costumes. Still, given that Genosha is made into the source of the mutant-hunting Sentinel robots, this did give rise to a good line in which someone observes that the mutants are being forced to labor for the same people making the automatons who hunt their kind.

Since it's not that much fun to watch the first season, I'd rather just read the comics rather than see the classic run crossbred with the stuff I never cared much about.  

KONG: KING OF ATLANTIS (2005)

  





PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTIONS: *cosmological, sociological* 

 

Though I liked GODZILLA VS. KONG, the movie was certainly replete with daffy notions. The weirdest by far was the idea that this version of Kong descended from a race of giant apes who weren’t just big animals, but some sort of semi-intelligent, tool-using creatures. The movie even built on the “king” part of the giant ape’s name by having him sit in a throne, bearing an ersatz version of a scepter. But goofy as the idea was, the 2021 film was not the first time Kong wore kingly raiment.

 

Prior to checking out this streaming animated video, I had seen the same production company launch the 2001 KONG THE ANIMATED SERIES on kidvid-TV. The show may have taken a page from the 1933 SON OF KONG, where the savage, man-eating colossus Kong somehow sired a kinder, gentler offspring. In the TV show, Original Kong is long dead, and there’s no mention of any of his human opponents. But a scientist took genetic material from the dead ape and produced a new giant anthropoid to rule over the monsters of “Kong Island.” For good measure, the scientist also used genetic material from an adventurous youth named Jason, with the result that Kong and Jason have a psychic connection, enabling the human guy to merge with Kong when the big ape thrashes giant-sized opponents. And for even more good measure, a copper-skinned jungle beauty, Lua, also hangs around Kong in order to tell him how to use his big muscles in the service of justice.

 

The series ended, but in order to profit from Peter Jackson’s KING KONG, the showrunners decided to turn out this DTV item. The basic concept is that of the “innocent duped into royal service.” It seems that after being off the grid for centuries, ancient Atlantis gets reborn, and the reigning quasi-human race, who are mostly human-serpent hybrids, decide they want Kong to be their king. Although Lua and Jason don’t always agree on how to counsel Kong—and there’s a very tedious sequence devoted to their disagreements—they both suspect the big guy is being sold a bill of goods. Not surprisingly, since the script recycles numerous old “palace intrigue” tropes, the serpent-tyrants are opposed by another bunch of hybrids seeking to overthrow the bad rulers. The evil snake-people, who sport names like “Reptilla” and “Sycopha,” have some ulterior motive in making Kong their king, but I’ve already forgotten that detail. Suffice to say, thanks to his human buddies Kong remains uncrowned—though, since the big ape can’t communicate, one never knows what he thinks of the whole royalty game.

 

I’ve seen a lot of worse animation than ATLANTIS, though the creators lose points for injecting a lot of awful doggerel-songs into the mix. There’s a little good action toward the end, when Kong fights two big lizard-dinos—and unlike GODZILLA/KONG, it’s the lizards who are swinging big weapons. The idea of Kong being a literal king of any sort is pretty stupid, but the stupidity certainly fits this oddball offering more than it gelled with the multimillion-dollar monster-mash.