SANTO VS INFERNAL MEN (1961)

  

PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny* 
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*

Seven years after Rene Cardona offered the iconic wrestler a shot at the silver screen, Santo finally took the plunge-- sort of.

I reviewed the first of these two Cuban-location films, and now I found on streaming a subtitled copy of SANTO VS INFERNAL MEN. Both movies decline to call the performer in the silver mask "Santo," and his character in both movies is a subordinate to another police agent-- Fernando Oses' "El Incognito" in BRAIN, and Joaquin Cordero's mufti drug-cop "Joaquin" here. The mad scientist plot would become far more typical of Santo's adventures under producer Rene Cardona, starting with SANTO VS. THE ZOMBIES.



Unfortunately, INFERNAL is dull from start to finish. I'm sure the producers of the Santo series threw in these mundane crime-films from time to time to save money, but I doubt any of them are very noteworthy. The only interesting aspect of the film is how many performers went on to play key roles in the Cardona lucha-verse: Gina Romand, Joaquin "Doctor Satan" Cordero, and Enrique Zambrano. In addition, one story is that while wrapping up INFERNAL, the movie crew found that Castro's forces were taking over the country. The story of the crew's escape from that entanglement would probably make a better movie than anything in this infernal waste of time.  

XTERMINATOR AND THE AI APOCALYPSE (2023)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*


I know nothing about the origins of this low-budget CGI oddity. But just as a guess, it looks and sounds as if writer/director/voice-actor "BC Fourteen" started out trying to make a fan-film about the armored adversary from George Lucas' prequel STAR WARS series, General Grievous. Then he reworked his CGI model into a more skull-faced humanoid and dubbed hm "Xterminator," but kept the raspy, acerbic voice-characterization.

The setting is some futuristic sparse-opera-- my new term for a space-opera so sparse in details that it might as well be a western. Almost all we see of humanity are various armored soldiers, under the command of one Grace Sherwood, and her raison d'etre as a commander of Earth-forces is to play "Thunderbolt Ross" to the robotic villain Xterminator. He calls himself "X" for short, but he's an apocalyptic AI who despises humans as much as humans despise him. So who does Sherwood call upon when her creator obliges her to rip off "Escape from New York" and send someone to Mars to rescue a missing diplomat? That's riiiight...

While X is on his Mars mission, motivated by both carrot and stick, Sherwood decides to hedge her bets by unleashing an intelligent shark-monster. Megalodon, to ambush X. Why does Megalodon exist in this sparse-opera? Same reason Sherwood confers with an intelligent Bigfoot: a director's silly in-joke. because he worked on an early CGI junk-flick, BIGFOOT VS MEGALODON. For good measure, Sherwood also arranges a Martian jailbreak to add to X's headaches.

Though XATAA is never more than a junk-flick, I might have been slightly entertained if Fourteen had been able to deliver on all the promised action. But just as was the case with all the SYFY big-beast fests, action costs too much money for cheapie CGI movies. There's just barely enough violence for XATAA to qualify in my combative mode category. Yet while I can't recommend the film, it did make me a bit curious about Fourteen's half-dozen "Bigfoot" junk-flicks.   

    

THOR: TALES OF ASGARD (2011)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, sociological*

A few years after Marvel's THOR comic became a good seller for the company, creators Stan Lee and Jack Kirby instituted a backup feature, "Tales of Asgard," which also lasted a year or two before the THOR feature took over the whole book. The backup gave artist Jack Kirby the chance to focus only upon Thor's hometown of Asgard, doing his best to convey Fosterian magic and grandeur within the space of seven pages an issue.

The MCU's live-action THOR series, which began the same year this DTV was issued, barely attempted pageantry in its depictions of the Norse wonder-world. TALES doesn't manage to come close to Kirby's passionate depiction of a universe governed by magic and martial prowess. However, TALES makes a sincere effort, and on the whole looks pretty good in terms of visuals.



Now, the 2011 live-action THOR largely rejects the Norse "don't die in your bed" ethos, TALES follows that same course in large part, pushing a pacifist message. However, because this DTV is depicting Thor as a young male god seeking to prove himself within a male culture, the script doesn't quite reject all aspects of masculinity. However, there remains an orientation toward a judgmental feminism, incarnated in this video's concept of the warrior-woman Sif-- though nothing as toxic as the MCU would later embrace.

Thor's support-cast members-- adoptive brother Loki, and the Scandinavian Three Musketeers known as Fandral, Hogun, and Volstaag-- are also younger and greener, and Loki at this point is a novice schemer, still on good terms with his boisterous brother. But none of them burn to prove themselves as Thor does. However, Daddy Odin's noble brow is perpetually bent with the weight of keeping Asgard's peace with their long-time enemies the Frost Giants, so he can't be bothered figuring out a rite of passage for the young Thunder God. But there is a sort of "impossible quest" that Asgardian males are allowed to undertake, in order to satisfy their desire for adventure. Odin's troubles start when his son takes on the quest and comes back with a dangerous prize.



There's a hard-to-follow backstory about how the Frost Giants almost wiped out the Dark Elves. Apparently the Elves were allied to Asgard, but Odin's warriors didn't come to the Elves' defense for whatever reasons. So the latter made a pact with the fire-demon Surtur, which risked the survival of all the Nine Worlds. The Frost Giants annihilated most of the Dark Elves anyway, and one of the survivors, Algrim, took a position as a court advisor to Odin. However, Algrim's position in Asgard is not unlike an emigre from South Vietnam taking shelter in the US: deep down, there's a sense of betrayal by an ally who didn't live up to his part of the bargain. Thor seeks to discover the lost Sword of Surtur, but his masculine bull-headedness imperils Asgard from both the covert menace of Algrim and the overt one of the war-happy Frost Giants. In the end, Thor learns humility, at least until it comes time for him to relearn a parallel lesson in the 2011 live-action flick.

While in the regular MCU movies Sif is just One of the Boys, here she has some sort of vague grudge against the males of Asgard, and she has an affiliation with a tribe of female warriors who live apart from Asgard proper. At least some of her testiness stems from having the hots for Young Thor and thus expecting him to be more than an entitled heir. This isn't much of a conflict, even for a B-plot. Still, there's nothing actively bad about TALES-- while all of the "live" THOR films suffer from major narrative problems. 

RETURN OF THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN AND THE BIONIC WOMAN (1987)

 






PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, psychological, sociological*


"Did you want your son made over in your own image?"

This is a pretty intense line coming from a character in the gosh-gee-wowie world of the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman, especially being spoken by Michael Austin (Tom Schanley) to his father Steve Austin (Lee Majors). The character of Michael never appeared on the TV shows but was at some point conceived by Steve with a mother from a short-lived marriage. (She's conveniently out of the picture, of course.) The line is all the more interesting because making over this would-be spinoff hero in the image of Steve Austin is exactly what the producers of the telefilm had in mind. Thus when Michael suffers a terrible accident, he loses exactly the same body parts that Steve did-- one arm, two legs, and an eye, though Steve's son does get one extra enhancement: his eye can shoot lasers in addition to being able to see great distances. The line is also interesting because the two bionic wonders before Michael were given their makeovers by the government without their express consent, and the producers of the TV-movie apparently couldn't resist repeating the trope of the "forced conversion." (Didn't any of these people ever enter a real hospital, where the physicians almost always have to ask for consent for any operation?)

Though RETURN was conceived as a back-door pilot for a series starring Michael Austin, the first hour of the show is all about Steve Austin and Jamie Sommars (Lindsay Wagner). Both of them retired from the OSI about a decade ago, with Steve taking up some sort of fishing gig while Jamie apparently took classes to become a licensed therapist for the underprivileged. Former boss Oscar Goldman (Richard Anderson) approaches Steve about coming back to the fold to stop a terrorist operation, Fortress, because Steve dealt before with its obsessed leader Stenning (Martin Landau). Though Steve refuses, he's soon forced to return to the spy biz because Stenning, despite being in prison, is aware of the bionic duo's powers and begins sending thugs to harvest their mechanical organs. This contingency forces Steve and Jamie to reunite after years of estrangement, with all the attendant emotional turmoil.

As for Michael, Steve just happens to be in the process of seeking a connection with his grown son, a pilot in the Air Force. Despite his having been raised by an aunt, Michael seems fairly neutral toward his famous sire, knowing him only as an astronaut. Shortly before Michael has his transformative accident, Steve reveals his abilities to his son. Michael thinks bionic enhancements are cool, until he's forced to get them himself. Naturally, Michael doesn't spend much time grousing about his fate. Jamie transfers from whatever her regular gig is to become the therapist to Steve's offspring. Michael makes rapid progress as a bionic wonder, all leading up to the final confrontation with Fortress. Wikipedia's assertion that the producers had the successful film "Top Gun" on their minds is confirmed when Oscar asks Michael to come work for him "if you ever get tired of being Top Gun in the Air Force." 

The bionic stunts here are as good as anything on the older shows, and some of the dialogue is a good deal better, courtesy of Michael Sloan, who would also write the next two TV-films with Steve and Jamie (but no Michael). Lee Majors's real son Lee Majors Jr has a minor supporting role as a young agent of the OSI, and he DOES reprise that role for the other two bionic-reunion flicks. One interesting aspect of the script is that Fortress is said to be some sort of "America for Americans" reactionary group, which is a bit surprising since the TV shows usually steered clear of real-world politics. Martin Landau does his usual professional job as the Big Bad, ranting about how the country allows aliens to infect its "bloodstream," or something like that. And yes, it's fun to see the chemistry between Majors and Wagner for the first of three final collaborations.

ONE PIECE: STRONG WORLD (2009)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological*


I'd never attempt to review the multitudinous productions of ONE PIECE, the still-running manga and anime, any more than I'd take a shot at DRAGONBALL, the 1980s shonen that PIECE essentially superseded in popularity. Both are just too much of a time-commitment. But I can take a shot at the various movies and TV specials.

Phenomenality in ONE PIECE is problematic at best. It's not science fiction, nor what I call magical-era fantasy. The portmanteau term "science fantasy" is best, for it represents a world where all sorts of bizarre creatures and environments exist according to whatever phenomena the author wants to introduce-- much like the Mars books of Burroughs. Some characters in the PIECE universe use technology of a sort, but it's tech-gear filtered through the lens of historical fiction-- in this case, that of the Golden Age of Piracy. To further complicate the universe, there's some entity that scatters so-called "Devil Fruits" throughout the endless islands, and each fruit can bestow a particular, unique power on whoever eats one. So PIECE crosses the worlds of Burroughsian science-fantasy with that of superhero comics.

STRONG WORLD takes place after the manga and anime had been running roughly a decade, and stars nine-- count 'em, nine-- do-gooder pirates who never seem to find time to do the sort of things real pirates do. Instead, they're forever stomping out evil tyrants, or avenging little girls who've had their dollies messed up by bandits, and that sort of thing. In this case the goody-good "Straw Hat Pirates," led by the courageous moron Monkey D. Luffy, pit themselves against Shiki the Golden Lion, a villain who plans to dominate the world with a horde of mutated animals. In addition, Shiki abducts the Straw Hats' lissome lady navigator Nami to serve in his crew and scatters the other eight heroes all over the place. Naturally, after various exploits, they converge and kick the evildoer's ass.

Manga-creator Eichiro Oda wrote the movie's original story, and those in the know can see him recycling a major trope for the character Nami. When she first appears, she's the virtual slave of a petty ruler, and the Straw Hats rescue her. So WORLD is a partial reprise of that trope, with Shiki defeating the Straw Hats at first, so that Nami has to agree to serve him to spare her friends. The various "caring moments" in the film never overwhelm the big noisy action-scenarios but do serve as a necessary counterpoint.

ONE PIECE, which has been a major success in the world manga market, arguably found a way to translate the appeal of "superhero powers" to a shonen science-fantasy universe, and more than any other manga, seems to have eclipsed the American superheroes with the younger generations. WORLD is a decent action-fantasy programmer, with the only debit being that Shiki is just your usual tinpot tyrant. But the animators did a bang-up job designing all of the Golden Lion's malicious monsters, who provide some of the film's best moments.            

GHOST SWEEPER MIKAMI (1993-94); GHOST SWEEPER MIKAMI MOVIE (1994)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous* 
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *comedy*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, psychological*

I'd seen a few random episodes of this anime teleseries long ago but recently decided to take the plunge and watch all the subbed episodes online, as well as comparing them to the first two years of the 1991-99 manga series. Though some anime serials change many details about the manga-stories they adapt, or even produce totally original installments, all 45 episodes of the SWEEPER series are based on the tales of Takashi Shiina. The biggest changes are slight increases in slapstick violence and the injections of support-characters not in the original stories, probably just to increase their run-time.



Most of the episodes are done-in-one, with the exception of occasional two-parters. Starring character Reiko Mikami is a "ghost sweeper" in her late twenties or early thirties, and she uses a variety of supernatural weapons to exorcise troublesome ghosts and demons who plague modern-day people and businesses. Mikami is as courageous and resourceful as the best heroes, but she's also extremely mercenary, taxing her customers with huge bills so that someday she can become a rich woman. She's also slightly larcenous-- one episode displays her knowledge of burglary techniques-- and she constantly underpays her male assistant, seventeen-year-old Tadao Yokoshima. She gets away with this because she's super-hot and knows that horndog Yokoshima will accept any wage just to scope her out. The fact that she's exploiting the youth, however, does not keep her from doling out brutal punishment to the teen any time he tries to feel her up, or even expresses a negative opinion of her. Yokoshima, for his part, is clearly meant to be the "goat" of the series, the one who has all the terrible things happen to him-- and because he's such an unregenerate perv, his sufferings are funny. As contrast, Mikami also employs a naive young female ghost, Okinu, who's much milder in temperament than either Mikami or Yokoshima, but still generates her share of difficulties.


SWEEPER's cast has a healthy variety of equally wacky support-types, and as I noted, sometimes the writers injected them into adaptations of stories where they didn't appear. Happily, unlike some later manga-concepts, the first couple of years of the manga didn't overpopulate the series so as to distract from the central star and her two primary helpers, which arguably occurred with URUSEI YATSURA. This concentration on the three principals helps generate suspense about their responses to one another. While Mikami never becomes generous, she will fight for her friends, and sometimes even for "friendly enemies." It's not clear from the first two years of stories if she becomes a syndromic sadist through her constant thrashings of Yokoshima, though it will be interesting to see if the character changes at all in the manga as a whole. She does show some regard for his welfare at times, and even respects him a bit, until he inevitably loses that respect thanks to his horniness. 


SWEEPER is always light-hearted and non-serious, though manga-artist Shiina comes up with some creative concepts from time to time. For instance, when the team accidentally injures Santa Claus. they have to complete his rounds for him, though Shiina mentions that in modern times there are so many kids in the world, Santa has to choose recipients by sheer chance. A wilder sort of folklore-crossover has Mikami take on the Pied Piper of Hamelin-- albeit one put through a mythic mix-master, since his abilities include the power to turn adults into little kids (Mikami being his first victim) and to summon rats as his minions. The final episode adapts a story in which the ghost-sweepers get trapped inside a movie, interacting with fictional characters who are fully aware of being fiction. Something about the way treats the movie characters reminded me of the Japanese folklore-idea of the *tsukumogami,* an inanimate object that takes on a pseudo-life thanks to associating with humans. Neither the manga nor the anime is interested in any existential questions. But even ideas with potential unused can supply a sense of the creators' raw creativity. In conclusion, even before finishing my survey of the manga series, I like SWEEPER enough to say that its feminine protagonist ought to rank more highly in the lists of "best heroines ever."

ADDENDUM: After the teleseries ended the producers finally wrote what seems to be, from available info, an all-original story for the franchise. This hour-long OAV is also a very peculiar crossover, for it pits Reiko and her team, as well her usual support-cast, against the vampire Nosferatu. There's no resemblance between this monster and the character from the silent film classic, but it's implied that the spirit of the vampire somehow traveled to medieval Japan and possessed the body of the famous lord Nobunaga Oda. A contemporary exorcist seems to have slain the vampire-lord, but he reincarnates in modern Japan, along with his aide Ranmaru. Both Nobuaga and Ranmaru were real historical figures, though so far as I can tell most later expansions on their careers were not "fictionalized" enough for them to comprise crossover-icons. Anyway, the dead exorcist also appears in modern times and gives Reiko a magical spear with which to vanquish the demon. Reiko is her usual money-grubbing self but still steps up when Nosferatu endangers her world. None of the support-characters do much and Reiko's cowardly assistant Tadao only gets substantial time because the exorcist-ghost possesses him, using his body to help Reiko. The film recycles the usual tropes of the manga with no originality, though anyone in 1994 "shipping" Reiko and Tadao would have been pleased that when Reiko's life stands in danger, she thinks of her assistant moments before "he" shows up to save her. This Galahad fantasy, however, does not keep Reiko from beating up Tadao several times for his horndog behavior. There are a few decent scenes but overall, the movie-- given the subtitle "The Resurrection of Nosferatu" in a dubbed English version-- lacks the charm of the teleseries and the original manga.             
                                     

HONOR ROLL #302

 No exorcist was ever sexier than REIKO MIKAMI.


"And an Ell-A-D-Y, NAMI's not shy."


  TOM SCHANLEY joined the Bionic Bunch, then vanished-- just like Cousin Oliver!


All WARRIORS THREE for one and all that stuff.


XTERMINATOR-- never learned the correct spelling of his name.


ENRIQUE ZAMBRANO appeared in a Santo film-- and you can tell it was a bad one, since I chose him to represent it.





THE LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES, SEASON ONE (2006-7)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological*

At some point of my hardcore comics-fandom, I remember thinking that DC Comics' LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES ought to have been perfect for a Saturday morning kids' cartoon. After all, the Legion had started in 1958 as a toss-off notion in a SUPERBOY comic. That one story-- which showed three superheroic teens from the 30th century interacting with 20th-century Superboy-- grabbed enough fans that DC developed the idea of the Legion into a successful franchise, still being published today.

Since the Warners Animation series lasted two seasons, it can't be considered a total failure. Still, it can't be called a success either, and since producer James Tucker has a fair range of good and bad in his animation career, I tend to think that the juvenile fantasy of the sixties LEGION just wasn't transferrable to the "future" of the 21st century. The teen heroes of the comics were barely even one-dimensional as characters, so their appeal in the Silver Age depended largely on writers being able to come up with ingenious uses of their multifarious powers, linked to a few very basic "teen torment" tropes regarding guilt, sexuality, et al. 

Tucker's LSH, though, tries a little too hard to quickly re-imagine the Legionnaires as two-dimensional characters, but without really coming up with anything compelling. Though many members make token appearances in the show, the producers sought to concentrate on seven core Legionnaires-- Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Bouncing Boy (the inevitable comedy relief for the most part), Phantom Girl, Timber Wolf (given a Wolverine-ish makeover), Triplicate Girl, and Brainiac 5 (who's a cyborg rather than a humanoid with a computer-like intelligence). These characters are also the gateway for 21st-century Clark Kent as he joins the future-supers club-- though, for reasons that may be tied to a trademark challenge around that time, the hero is always called "Superman" rather than "Superboy," despite the fact that he looks to be as much a teen as the other heroes.

The main problem is that in the first season at least, the stories just seem overly derivative, and that might be the main reason that young viewers just didn't choose LSH over whatever competed with it on other channels. There's a "haunted spaceship" episode, a "crisis of confidence" episode, and an "interfering parent" episode. The writers loosely adapted some decent comics-stories-- the origin of Timber Wolf and of the daffy "Legion of Substitute Heroes," the Legion's struggle with the colossal space-monster, the Sun-Eater. However, at no time does the series seem grounded in even a very simple space-opera universe. There's also a near-total avoidance of the romantic element, which I think was a crucial reason the sixties series both caught on and prospered for decades. Ironically, though I'll be reviewing the second and final season separately, I have a feeling I'm going to see the same flaws in that review-- a show that needed to reach young viewers, but may be greater interest to old farts, who get the in-joke when the "haunted spaceship" is given the name "Quatermass."

                    

RESIDENT EVIL: DEGENERATION (2008)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*


DEGENERATION was the first motion-capture animated film based directly on the popular video game, and the first time an adaptation linked up the game's protagonists, soldier Leon S. Kennedy and scientist Claire Redfield. That means that viewers like me-- who only knew the series that starred original movie-character Alice (Milla Jovavich)-- had to go Alice-less.

While the character design of Claire Redfield has a stronger vibe than I've seen in a lot of motion-capture animation, the story is a fairly dull setup of all the basics of the franchise. The viewer learns how an evil corporation designed the insidious T-virus, which has the unfortunate side effect of turning its victims into killer zombies. If one doesn't want to hear that much about the mechanics of who did what to whom, DEGENERATION fails to provide much in the way of dynamic characters or situations.

Its most positive aspect is that this film got all the exposition out of the way, so that the next in the series, DAMNATION, offered a lot more of the kickass action integral to the live-action movie franchise.      


QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE (1935)

 






PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*


There's just one element in this 12-chapter serial that renders it marvelous: a short sequence in which two people in the African jungle are pinned down by some sort of "strangler vines." To the best of my knowledge there exist no such plants, so QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE is marvelous. But most of the significant phenomena are uncanny, so as I occasionally do on this blog, I include labels for those tropes for my own reference.

QUEEN gets a "fair" rating for mythicity just because it manages to touch on five or six major jungle-adventure tropes. Nevertheless, the serial is a mess. It recycled footage from a 1922 silent serial, JUNGLE GODDESS (now lost), which was noteworthy in its time for having been shot on a forested backlot in the U.S. and for having a better than average budget for a chapterplay. But in the 1930s silent films were unmarketable. So a producer named Herman Wolk chose to cannibalize certain sequences from GODDESS and to shoot a lot of matching sequences on soundstages. This leads to a lot of padding with the use of stock jungle footage, none of which includes either old or new players. This creates one amusing sequence in which a chimp, cornered on a high rock by hungry lions, is rescued by a helpful elephant, who's never in the same frame with the lions.

Two of the major jungle-tropes used here are that of the "lost city" and "the white goddess." To be sure, there are actually two bizarre African cultures crammed close together. In the ERB tradition, there's a small coterie of White people-- far from the usual "city"-- that have somehow established a priesthood over their Black neighbors. To be sure, the two groups are never seen together, aside from an early scene in which the Black chieftain confers with head priest Kali (Lafe McKee), so apparently this mirrors the original plot of GODDESS. The White priests all wear big conical hats that I suppose are meant to look vaguely Semitic, but their only cultural identification is that they consider themselves citizens of "Mu." Since this legendary locale did not appear in print until one James Churchward wrote a book about it in 1926, I think it's safe to assume this tidbit is a 1935 interpolation.

The more numerous Black natives venerate a huge statue that sometimes shines deadly rays from its eyes. Since the viewer eventually learns that there's a radium deposit nearby, in the so-called "Garden of Rad," possibly the original idea in GODDESS was that the statue was inhabited by minions of the priesthood. The statue is seen to move its hands a little, which sounds like real votive statues (albeit much smaller ones) that were designed to "come to life" and impress the gullible. Did GODDESS originally include the idea that priests inside the statue somehow projected energy from raw radium through the statue's eyeholes, in order to create lethal rays and execute sacrificial victims? Hard to say, for that serial's gone, and QUEEN never explains the statue at all. ("Rad," by the way, is the name of the priesthood's god, so maybe they're supposed to be Latinate Romans?)

The white queen comes to the Black tribe by accident. As a small child, Joan Lawrence is taken away from her parents, and from neighbor-kid David, when she's caught in a hot-air balloon. The balloon's descent into the territory of Mu impresses the Black tribesmen and they raise little Joan to be their queen (Mary Kornman), even referred to a few times as "The Queen of the Jungle." 

Little David, however, grows up to be Adult David (Reed Howes). Joan's parents could never find her, or the radium mine that the father came to Africa to locate. Yet David apparently takes that right turn at Albuquerque, since he makes his way to the Mu territory with no big hassle. He does however get captured and slated for sacrifice by radiation-gaze. Adult Joan at first seems totally okay with the White guy getting burned to ash. Then a crawl asks rhetorically if her "White blood" will allow Joan to endure such savagery. By the next episode, naturally, Joan rescues David.

Despite the fact that Joan has forgotten the English language, and David doesn't speak the local Swahili, the young hunter talks the Queen into leaving the only people she's ever known. More oddly, they agree to let her go with no fuss. However, the writers, probably loosely following the earlier movie's template, did this so that Joan and David could be attacked by diverse menaces on their trek back to civilization. I think Kali is at least responsible for some assaults, because he's afraid David will bring back other invaders and mess up Kali's setup-- but the continuity's excruciatingly hard to follow. In addition to the aforementioned strangler vine, and the usual jungle-animals, David is attacked by a pair of natives who are implied to live beneath the surface of a river (no, no explanation of that either) while minions of Kali blind Joan with radium, stick her in a canoe and send her careening toward a waterfall. For a time White hunters capture Joan and David to find out the mine's location, I think because they've been sold minute quantities of radium by Kali. But the funniest assault comes when a native somehow manipulates a chimp into attacking Joan with a knife. David's priceless line as the chimp runs away: "I wonder who put him up to it."

Since Joan never learns English "on the road," her personality is confined to that of wide-eyed innocence. She's not any sort of fighter, but her scenes in Mu make the loose implication that she MAY have a psychic connection with elephants for some reason. She's seen commanding a trained elephant in Mu, and then later, on the hunters' ship, she actually commands an elephant whom the hunters have taken captive to do her will-- that is, by reaching its trunk through a porthole to strangle a bad hunter-guy. David therefore shoulders almost all the action-scenes herein, and Reed Howes acquits himself quite well, given that most fights in thirties' serials were spottily choreographed. He's seen to be a stand-up guy, tempted to take advantage of Joan's innocence but not yielding to the temptation.

Whenever the 1935 producers utilize footage from 1922, they don't bother to synch the two, so the viewer sees various scenes of "undercranking," resulting in characters moving like jumping-beans. The longest scene from GODDESS is one in which Kali tries to make his fellow priests think that Kali's own little boy is a god made flesh. But there's a mixup and the priests get the idea that a chimp is the new god in town, so there's an amusing moment where the simian cavorts around the room and the priests imitate his holy actions. However, Kali, like a number of other characters, just disappears from the story when it's convenient for the filmmakers, and so he never pays for his crimes.

QUEEN is a real curio. It's not good, or even "so bad it's good." But it's not as dull as some serials out there, and that's something.





BEASTMASTER: SEASON 3 (2001-02)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous* 
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, sociological*

In the ranks of syndie adventure-serials, it's a rare bird-- or beast-- that survives to three seasons. I'd like to report that BEASTMASTER's last outing was at least as good as the first two. Unfortunately, though Season 3 wasn't plagued by as many cast-shakeups as Season 2, Three ends up feeling like the writers and showrunners were just spinning their wheels. Based on the fact that Season Three displays what might be a record number of clip shows in one season-- at least I think three might be a record-- I hypothesize that the show might've had its budget slashed. That sort of cost-cutting can eventuate in the creative people losing focus and hacking things out.

A slight improvement is that the Ancient One disappears or dies by the time Season 3 begins, and the original Sorceress (Monika Schnarre) escapes the prison her tutor placed her in. Both Marjean Holden and Stephen Grives get main-credit billing this season. However, Holden's Arina is never truly integrated into the series, appearing whenever writers choose to inject her. By contrast, Steven Grives's despicable King Zad gets a lot more time here than in either previous season, and Grives makes the nasty conqueror so vital, he's almost likable. 

On the minus side, out of nowhere Zad has now become the servant of a gimcrack demon-lord, Balcifer. (Ooohh-- Baal + Lucifer-- bet that took a whole ten minutes to come up with). As for the Sorceress, the writers aren't able to come up with much for her to do. They use her to get rid of a leftover demon-woman, "The Apparition," from a previous season, and she duels another demoness, Yamira, in order to help Dar. However, she also betrays Dar in an attempt to restore the eagle Sharak to his human form. Sharak, however, sacrifices his humanity to redeem Dar's quest. With the Sorceress' "Ladyhawke" arc concluded, the character fades from the series before the climax.

The biggest change is one derived loosely from the first movie. Rather than being simply the last survivor of a tribe that Zad exterminated, Dar is now an "orphan of high estate," the son of a noble slain king, Eldar. A cocky older man named Dartanus (Marc Singer, the original Beastmaster) informs Dar of his special destiny: to prevent Balcifer from gaining dominion over the world. To do this, first Dar must reclaim the magical sword of Eldar (which he does, though Dar still doesn't kill his enemies with said weapon). Second, Dartanus reveals that five of Dar's proximate relatives didn't die as thought but were transformed by Dar's adoptive tribe into ordinary animals. Most of Season 3 involves Dar, Tao and Arina attempting to round up these creatures and place them in a magical Crystal Ark. This ark will redeem the world not by preserving animals but by allowing Dar's family to transform back into humans, which event is crucial to Balcifer's defeat. Occasionally this running plotline is diverting, but often it feels undeveloped and low-energy.

I no longer felt that Dar's world was as mythic as in the previous two seasons, in the sense of "anything might happen," and no episodes met my criteria for high-mythicity. Too many of the stories were dull, not even counting the clip shows, and there were only a handful of tales with fair mythicity. For instance:


"Slayer's Return"-- Dar and Tao once more encounter Princess Zuraya, for whom Dar had a small thing. Zuraya is getting married to another noble, but wouldn't you know, he's a pawn of Balcifer, who wants to be reborn in the child he spawns in Zuraya. (Devotees of the first "Ms. Marvel" will find this concept a tad familiar.)   

"Serpent's Kiss"-- the succubus Nadeea offers her services to Zad to drain the souls of the heroes

"The Alliance"-- Dar has a fractious first meeting with Princess Talia (Gigi Edgley of FARSCAPE fame), but it seems to bode well that her brother Galen pledges the armies of his kingdom to aid in the war against Zad and Balcifer. There's also an old marriage contract between Galen's kingdom and that of Dar's people that would bring Dar and Talia into holy matrimony, and this prospect makes Talia even more quarrelsome, though she naturally comes around somewhat. However, Galen's a servant of Balcifer, and Talia sacrifices her life to destroy her corrupted brother.

"Double Edged"-- a teen girl dressed like a ninja steals Dar's magic sword, hoping to use it to kill Zad. Instead, she ends up leading Zad to the village of the people who made Dar's fateful blade. 



Lastly, Season 3 introduces one decent recurring character for three episodes: Callista (Mel Rogan), Zad's half-sister. Rogan and Grives seem to be having great fun trading acerbic jibes, up until the final section, where Callista tries to kill both Zad and the Beastmaster. It's not clear why the evil female-- another dang Balcifer servant--chains the two of them together, unless she-- or her writer-- had just watched a telecast of "The Defiant Ones." Still, it's fun to see Dar nearly rolling his eyes at the venomous intensity of Zad's malice. Zad, of course, doles out an impressive punishment to his errant sibling. 

The two-part finale is somewhat listless and doesn't even give Zad a very dramatic finish. In a conclusion that seems to come out of nowhere, Dar, in order to rule over his restored people, must leave his fantasy-world for another realm, accompanied by his animal friends but not by his two main human friends. Since the regular BEAST-verse is only occasionally said to be trending toward some quotidian fate, this conclusion is not quite the same as its likely LOTR inspiration, where Frodo Baggins goes off into the mists of the past because the world is changing. It's more like, by thwarting Balcifer, some Camelot-like regime has been restored-- though originally Dar's people were just regular folks in the BEAST-verse. So it's not clear why the New Realm is set apart in such a way that Tao and Arina can't just drop in and visit when they please. Yet I find I kind of liked the ending, since it hearkened back to the quality of the first two seasons, where everything was a bit mysterious and many phenomena didn't admit of simple explanations.  

As I said, the mythic resonance of the previous two seasons is largely absent, and, aside from the usual quota of sexy, scantily clad women, Season Three's best element is finding out how many different ways Steven Grives can put maximum spitefulness into uttering the name "Beastmaster!"

                                        

CHAMBER OF HORRORS (1966)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny* 
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *drama*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *psychological*

"Jason Cravatte, a gentleman with a taste for the sewers..."

Before getting to the film proper, I'll spend some time remarking on the synchronicity of my reviewing, in the same month, two psycho-films I'd only seen once before, both of which could have been really good in their depiction of a common trope: "the Really Rich are Really Messed Up." The other one was A KNIFE FOR THE LADIES, and it shares with CHAMBER OF HORRORS the sense that the filmmakers of both weren't as devoted as they should've been to their psycho-subjects.

CHAMBER is credited to two writers, Stephen Kandel and Ray Russell, and a director, Hy Averback. Both Kandel and Averback were mostly journeymen laborers in the TV field, while Russell is best known for his short story "Mister Sardonicus," which gave rise to the William Castle film of the same name. My guess is that Russell, credited only with contributing to "story" rather than "screenplay," came up with the essence of the perilous psycho of CHAMBER-- which, even in its early origins, seems to have had some elements in common with Castle's other productions. Had Jason Cravatte been better elaborated, he could have been as good as Slade in THE LODGER.



We first see Cravatte (Patrick O'Neal) forcing a minister at gunpoint to marry him to a dead woman. Later, after the law has caught up with Cravatte, he escapes in such a way as to lose one hand. He then becomes a psycho-killer haunting the streets of 1880s Baltimore, but he's actually more interesting in the background provided by his aunt, Mrs. Perryman (Jeanette Nolan). The rich, fifty-something dowager informs the audience that despite the upper-class station of her nephew, he liked "the taste of the sewers" and apparently kept company with all manner of prostitutes (which is substantiated later when Cravatte's seen holed up in a whorehouse). If this was all there was to him, he'd just be a dime-a-dozen roue. But he also had some desire for a "madonna" as an antidote to the whores, because he courted blonde Melinda-- the dead woman seen at the opening-- in the belief that she was virginal. He killed her when he learned she was not pure, and yet he also had some notion that he "purified" her by killing her, for he seems to have every intention of taking his pleasure with her dead body. In addition, even after the madman's been condemned but escapes, he repeats this syndrome by paying a similar-looking prostitute to "play dead."



Unfortunately, the script doesn't follow the "madonna-whore" complex with any close attention. After Cravatte escapes the law and becomes "the Butcher of Baltimore"-- complete with various killing-devices he can fit into his empty wrist-socket-- he takes up a brand- new psycho-obsession. He starts killing off the men who sentenced him to the hangman, and out of nowhere there's some folderol about his forming a "composite corpse" of the body parts of his victims. This poorly conceived notion turns Cravatte into just another gimmick-oriented psycho-killer-- though Patrick O'Neal's rousing performance as Cravatte sustains the film through all its dull spots.

Now, although Cravatte is the Prime icon of CHAMBER OF HORRORS the film, he would not have been had CHAMBER succeeded in its original purpose, as a pilot for a TV-series, originally called "House of Wax" after the 1953 horror-film. If any of the networks had greenlighted "House" as a series, then the default stars of all the episodes would have been the characters Tony Draco (Cesare Danova) and Harold Blount (Wilfrid Hyde-White). These two amateur detectives-- whose backgrounds are spotty at best-- run a wax museum with the title "House of Wax," and unlike the one in the Vincent Price movie, all of their wax statues are devoted to murder and the macabre. Indeed, the script tends to suggest that Draco and Blount's fascination with the macabre-- presented as being benign, I guess like that of the pilot-makers-- is what makes them great detectives. Presumably they would have proved this again and again on a weekly basis. But though there was no series, CHAMBER still ends with the suggestion of another "episode" involving another bizarre murder.

Many reviewers have remarked on how little gore is present in a film about a psycho who frequently stabs people with his hand-utensils. Yet even without the gore, the concept was clearly too disturbing for the TV networks to accept. I speculate that the producers-- one of whom was director Averback-- were hoping to titillate TV audiences by frequently having Draco and Blount make speeches about all the horrible deeds performed by the subjects of their wax exhibits. This idea wouldn't have worked as a TV-show in a million years. But even with all the missteps in the pilot-movie-- enhanced with Castle-like gimmicks when CHAMBER went to theatres-- the Russell-Kandel provides some fun moments, albeit with a poky pace that made me appreciate William Castle's superior narrative drive. 



Next-to-lastly, while CHAMBER's script isn't interested in the opposition between "serene beauty and titillating shocks" established in Crane Wilbur's HOUSE OF WAX script, Averback et al did offer another form of enticement. Aside from the first female victim, only one feminine character is strictly necessary to the script: that of Marie (Laura Devon), a bargirl whom Cravatte makes into his partner, mostly so that she can seduce one of his victims, a horny old trial judge, and then lure the old duffer into a trap. But the script also works in technically unnecessary roles for glamorous actresses like Patrice Wynore and Suzy Parker, as well as several briefly-seen young working-women. (At times CHAMBER almost seems to anticipate how the Italian giallos developed in the early 1970s.) This strategy was doubtless meant to suggest that ladies- man Draco would have a girl to seduce every week had CHAMBER become a series. Indeed, the theatrical movie even gives some exposure to past-their-prime beauties like Nolan and Marie Windsor-- though Nolan steals the show, making clear that her side of the family is just as lubricious as that of Cravatte's paternal line.

Two other last things: first, thanks to a spectacular fight between Cravatte and Draco at the conclusion, CHAMBER, like HOUSE OF WAX, qualifies as a combative drama. Second, right around the time Hy Averback completed the pilot-movie, he became executive producer for the slapstick teleseries F TROOP, which certainly seems to have been much more up his alley.

   

                              

ABSOLUTE FORCE (1997)

 





PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*

Measuring the level of quality between this film and the previous entry by the same writer-director, TOTAL FORCE, is a little like an entomologist demonstrating whether a fly or a bee has a longer prong. But, being that I'm an amateur student of buggy movies, I'll attempt it.

Once more, Steven Kaman assembles a "total force" of a whole four operatives to take out a world-imperiling threat. Total Force consists of Timothy Bottoms, David Carradine's daughter Callista, and a couple others I've already forgotten, not counting one or two who kick the bucket. This time, instead of a mad scientist seeking to conquer the world with with a zombie-creating "neurolater" beam, we have a terrorist organization, The Alliance, seeking to create a "neurotron" bomb. What the bomb does is not mentioned, but I guess it counts as a marvelous device that just remains offstage for the whole movie, much like a lot of those cheapie Eurospy flicks of the sixties. If it weren't for the bomb, ABSOLUTE would just be a purely naturalistic shoot-'em-up.

Kaman improves things slightly in that this time there's no third party involved in all the fighting and shooting. If you can keep track of who the bland heroes are, then everyone else is a member of the villains' group, with the slight exception of some cops who get duped into thinking main hero Drake (Bottoms) is a fugitive murderer.

The only parts in TOTAL FORCE that were even slightly memorable were a few short "femme-fu" fight-scenes by Carradine and three other martial maidens. ABSOLUTE only offers Carradine in the fighting-female department, but she has one middling fight toward the end and an earlier scene where she shoots up some office full of computer nerds, presumably allied to the Alliance. Carradine, semi-stylishly attired in black leather, breaks in just moments after one of the nerds demands sexual favors from a vulnerable-looking young secretary. Most of the nerds flee Carradine's gunfire, but one guy comes up behind her with his own pistol. The secretary grabs Carradine's gun and shoots the toxic male in defense of the strange woman who just shot up the office. The sheer absurdity of this "girl power moment" makes it far preferable to any of the ones in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Oh, and there's a little more skin this time out. Also, some chanteuse in a strip club sings some lyrics that were totally forgettable except for one line, where the singer asserts, "You ain't too tough to be my baby." 

HONOR ROLL #301

 CALISTA CARRADINE shows herself heir to her dad's tradition of ass-kicking. 


CESARE DANOVA's charms are no match for the mania of this film's starring monster.


In very different ways, STEVEN GRIVES and MARJEAN HOLDEN help ring down the curtain on the Beastmaster saga.



If REED HOWES saves the Queen of the Jungle, does he become its king?


LEON S. KENNEDY-- He Kills Zombies, Deader.


   Since they'll probably never get another series, this post goes to the entirety of THE LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES.