THE PHANTOM RIDER (1946)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny* 
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *psychological* 

Although the 1946 PHANTOM RIDER is mostly a by-the-numbers "costumed cowboy" serial, it has some points that elevate it above the level of the routine. 

For one thing, it has nothing to do with the Universal chapterplay of the same title, which was essentially just another outre-outfit oater. In that 1936 offering, Buck Jones just donned an all-white outfit, possibly with the idea of suggesting that he was ghostly, like The Ghost Rider of the comics, who appeared in 1949. In the 1946 serial, Doctor Jim Sterling (Robert Kent) ends up donning a costume designed to make him look like an ancient Indian spirit, consisting of buckskins, a feathered headdress, and a rubber mask covering his entire face, purportedly to make others think that he's Indian. The Rider never fools any white villains into thinking him a spirit, though a good number of the local Indians-- never given a tribal name-- apparently can't tell red-hued rubber from crimson flesh.

For the other thing, RIDER possesses some good progressive (back when that word meant something) political content. Easterner Sterling is on his way to become the doctor to a small western town, whose name might be Big Tree, like the nearby Indian reservation. On his way to town in a buckboard, Sterling gives a lift to Blue Feather (George J. Lewis), the college-educated son of the Indians' chief. Blue Feather provides exposition about how he educated himself so that he could improve the lot of his people in living in the white man's world, especially in dealing with the bandits menacing both the whites and the Indians. Blue Feather's main ambition is to create an Indian police force, vetted by the federal government and with the power to arrest the lawless. Sterling shows his approval of this lofty goal-- and within the first chapter, gets direct evidence of bandit predations. Blue Feather is wounded and sidelined, so the noble doctor decides to take over the young Indian's mission. With the help of schoolmarm Doris (Peggy Stewart), Sterling decides to assume the appearance of an ancient Indian savior, The Phantom Rider, to convince the Indians to follow the white man's way of fighting oppression.

As in the 1938 LONE RANGER serial, the bandits are hiding under the cloak of counterfeit authority. Local Indian agent Carson (LeRoy Mason) is not the real person assigned to the post, but an otherwise unnamed schemer using the position to coordinate his gang's activities. The Rider pops up and starts preying on the predators, they try to stop him, rinse and repeat. 

Despite a cool setup, RIDER falls into a lot of pedestrian situations, with no memorable cliffhangers and mostly gun-action. According to THE FILES OF JERRY BLAKE, the hero's rubber-mask disguise had a restrictive effect on what both Robert Kent and any doubles could do in fight-scenes. But the photography here is much crisper, and thus more involving, than in many later serials, so RIDER always looks good even if one has seen the same business a dozen times before. The story would have gained some heft had it built up conflicts between Sterling's profession and his avocation, or the character of Schoolmarm Doris. JERRY BLAKE liked the comedy relief of "Nugget," a grizzled miner, but he didn't do anything for me. The villains are also ordinary and no better than they have to be, and the formation of the Indian police force comes about a little too easily. I'm glad I had the chance to see it but will probably not watch it again. I suppose Bad Progressives would sneer at the serial for placing a "white savior" in charge, but to me it makes a world of difference when the savior, whatever his race, is helping others save themselves         

SEVEN MEN OF KUNG FU (1978)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny* 
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*

I can only echo this online post that this misbegotten chopsocky, by a writer-director who only made four films in his career, is the most atrociously edited film the kung-fu genre has ever produced. It's yet another take on the old "Chings vs. Mings" quarrel, and I think main villain Chang Yi (seen above with red-dyed hair) is one of the Mings, also called "anti-Chings" by the subtitles on the streaming copy I watched. In addition to Chang Yi, the other three top-billed performers are the redoubtable diva Lung Chung-erh, Chang Ying-chen (billed elsewhere as Emily Chang Ying-chen), and Lo Lieh. I didn't see the name of Chan Sing in the barely-Anglicized credits, but I think he, along with Lieh and Emily, are the "good Chings" of the story, one of whom gets the honor of fighting the evil potentate played by Chang Yi.

Hong Kong chopsockies aren't models of exposition at the best of times, but this director Cheung Hang is the worst of the worst. He barrels past any setup that would familiarize viewers with who the characters and what they want, and he seems in a tearing hurry to get to the really important scenes, where characters stand around and recite sententious aphorisms. This is perhaps the talkiest chopsocky ever made. There's a brief sense of romance between Chan Sing and the actress I believe to be Emily Chang, but it comes to naught when she's killed. I admit that I'm not sure I've correctly ID'd the girl wielding her sword beside Chan Sing, but that's my best guess.    

         

So what the hell does "Doris" Lung-Chung-erh play? If the cited review is correct, she plays some sort of weird witch-being who's seen intermittently throughout the film (via repetitions of the exact same scene), in the company of a white-faced guy later called a "zombie." But her actual participation is to show up at the end to harass Lo Lieh over some unclear grievance. She sics her zombie on him, which he defeats with ease. But then she hits Lo with something like a fire-spell, wounds him with a wire-weapon, and then just beats his ass with kung-fu, which Lo can't seem to counter. There's a quick voiceover about honor and duty, and then the film just ends, leading me to the conclusion that the witch-woman killed Lo. It wouldn't be the first time in a chopsocky that a hero died at the end, but viewers usually know what the hell he's dying for.

Only the sight of Lung beating up Lo Lieh gives this turkey even mild curiosity value. 

    

LUPIN III: TACTICS OF ANGELS (2005)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *good*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*

I'm by no means a Lupin III expert, even where the animated films are concerned. But it's pretty evident to most of the feature films/TV specials usually involve three groups in conflict. The primary conflict is most often the Lupin Gang of superlative thieves with some other criminal gang, who are always more ignoble and destructive than the "honest thieves," and there's a secondary conflict in which Inspector Zenigata, accompanied by whatever law-enforcement agents he can draft, pursues the Lupin Gang but has to be satisfied with the defeated villains Lupin has left behind. It's a corollary tendency that if Fujiko Mine sees any advantage in betraying the gang to the villains, she usually will, but she always gets welcomed back to the fold when the evil guys seek to off her.

TACTICS starts out like a lot of Lupin adventures (though overall this TV special has better comedic elements than many of the others). Zenigata has received a challenge from Lupin to the effect that the master thief's going to raid the US installation Area 51. As Zenigata learns from head scientist Emily, the installation holds a bonafide alien artifact, a sphere called "The Original Metal," apparently because it's so hard nothing can cut it. Lupin and his associates succeed swimmingly. Jigen and Goemon are disgusted, however, when Lupin informs that he didn't steal the artifact in order to fence it and make a lot of cash. He plans to turn the metal of the sphere into a unique finger-ring for Fujiko, the better to steal her heart. Unfortunately for Lupin, not even Goemon's peerless samurai blade can cut the metal, and Goemon must leave to seek some way to repair his chipped sword. So then Lupin begins trying to figure out some way to penetrate the metal-- though even at the movie's end, it's not a sure thing that Lupin really intended just to make the Original Metal into a ring for Fujiko.

But other forces also want the Metal. The viewer meets "The Bloody Angels" before the Lupin Gang does, as this all-female fighting force practices for the coming conflict by killing four fighters dressed up like Lupin's people. The four Angels are Lady Jo (a kung fu expert who usually dresses up as a man), Poison Sophie (a poisons expert), Bomber Lily (an expert in both explosives and stage magic), and Kaoru (a samurai whose skills are a close match to Goemon's). The Bloody Angels (whose name always sounds like that of the "Lovely Angels" of the DIRTY PAIR franchise) seek to find out which of the gang has the metal sphere. But clever Lupin has made copies, so that not even devious Fujiko can be sure of stealing the right object when she tries to sell it to Lady Jo, who almost kills Fujiko.

The four main Angels, who are the forefront of an all-female army, provide the gang with good opposition, but the best comes from Kaoru, whose sword Goemon believed to be "cursed." It's not certain whether this is the case or not, but if so it would be a very rare instance of the supernatural existing in Lupin's sci-fi world. Because Goemon's sword was chipped by contact with Original Metal, he even has to flee Kaoru in the first encounter, though of course the second face-off turns out very differently. Lupin is faced with an intriguing puzzle: if no Earthly force can scrape off a shard of the sphere, what good is it to the Angels, or to any foreign government they might sell it to? As it happens, there is a good solution to this puzzle, which involves using the sphere in conjunction with something else to create a death-ray that no government should be trusted with.

Though the Angels are initially portrayed as terrorists, one of them, Sophie, claims to have an altruistic reason to want the sphere. Since she becomes somewhat simpatico with Lupin during their clashes, she reveals to Lupin that she carries a major grudge against the US due to having lost her brother, a member of the US military forces, due to incompetent commanders. It's rare for stories in the LUPIN canon to be very critical specifically of US practices, given that America is a big market for the franchise. At the same time, Sophie's grudge is loosely demonstrated to be sophistry in that she believes she can built a new, better country out of the ashes of devastation-- something Lupin opposes for purely practical reasons. Then Sophie is killed by one of her own, and the gang has no further sympathies for the other three angels or their small army of lady soldiers.

TACTICS is certainly one of the bloodiest productions in this franchise that I've seen, with lots of characters getting shot or sliced up. The animators don't linger upon the after-effects of the violence, but the carnage is a real factor in giving TACTICS a harder edge than many similar works-- though, oddly, it's also one of the funniest LUPINs in my experience. The viewer never learns anything about the ET science that formed the sphere, and no aliens make the scene. But there's a stronger sociological theme here than in most LUPINs. (Also, Fujiko does get a chance to be more of an action-girl than in many other productions.)

                    

DRAGON QUEST/DRAGON WARRIOR (1989-91)

  

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, sociological*

I'm indebted to this YT channel for providing fansubs for the Japanese anime series DRAGON QUEST, based on a popular 1980s video game that received distribution in the US and other countries. In 1989, 13 of the anime's 43 original episodes were dubbed and released to American TV under the title DRAGON WARRIOR. I presume that the translation company hoped that 13 episodes would "prime the pump" and create viewer demand to see the entire series in English. But this did not occur, and I presume that only fansubbed editions are available for non-Japanese speakers.

As a viewer who was frustrated in the Day to see only a small number of episodes, I'm happy to have some closure. That said, I was never under any delusion that QUEST was any hidden mythopoeic treasure. Even in 1989 I was pretty sure the anime was just a very basic fantasy RPG, in which noble, sword-swinging stalwarts went on quests to defeat evil demons and/or sorcerers. I later learned that there had been a manga prior to the anime, and that the two are only loosely related to either the video game or to one another, though I'm unclear as to when the anime started using different names for the main characters.  There are only a few minor myth-kernels in the TV show at most.

The screenshot above shows the five main heroes. In the foreground is the hero Abel, while his girlfriend Tiala clings to him. At left is the lady warrior Daisy, while to the right, the floating fellow is the magician Yanack and the fellow with the skull-helmet is Abel's pudgy buddy Mokomoko, who provide much of the comedy relief. The setup is that Tiala is the hereditary protector of a magical stone capable of releasing a powerful dragon from its slumber. The devilish-looking Baramos abducts Tiala from her village in order to gain control of the dragon, whose blood can confer immortality. Abel and Mokomoko arm themselves and seek to rescue Tiala. On their way they pick up the aid of the good sorcerer Yanack and the woman-warrior Daisy. Yanack has no real backstory, but Daisy became a warrior in order to seek her lost brother. She originally joins Abel and Mokomoko because she thinks there's profit in their quest, but naturally she bonds with the guys and becomes a hero dedicated to defeating the various minions of Baramos. She also falls in unrequited love with Abel and also must bear the indignity of being ogled by the dirty old magician Yanack.      

I don't remember exactly why the quest becomes a matter not of just rescuing Tiala but also about finding holy objects that will make it possible to resurrect the dragon. Appropriately the objects are a Holy Sword and a Holy Grail, mirroring (if only unintentionally) the sexual propensities of Abel and Tiala, who are implicitly a holy couple whose unison can redeem the fallen world. Baramos is just a dime-a-dozen magical menace, but the scenes of the heroes, as well as their encounters with ordinary folks, allow for much better character interactions than one sees in most American-made animated TV shows. A couple of storylines involve Baramos corrupting or controlling the relatives of the heroes and causing Daisy to fight her lost brother and Abel to battle his father. So far as I can tell, it's not recounted as to how Baramos was far-sighted enough to suborn these characters. This is particularly true of Daisy's brother, who's actually raised from childhood by a villainous minion, long before Baramos could possibly have known that Daisy was going to be one of the heroes who opposed him. Still, QUEST also isn't afraid to knock off some of the lovable side-characters, such as a "nice monster" who befriends Tiala.

Still, good design triumphs over limited TV animation, and QUEST always feels action-packed. And one extra benefit of the American dub is that the translation company produced what I consider a superior theme-song, complete with quick cuts from the episodes, that I still find stimulating thirty-plus years later.

      

LORD OF ILLUSIONS (1995)

 

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *drama*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical*

LORD OF ILLUSIONS to date is the last feature film written and directed by horror author Clive Barker, and proves the least accomplished after 1987's HELLRAISER and 1990's NIGHTBREED. Like NIGHTBREED, ILLUSIONS came to theatres in an adumbrated studio cut, which is probably what I saw years ago. But since I barely remember anything about the cut version of ILLUSIONS, my review of the director's cut won't be influenced by the earlier viewing-- or by having read, many months ago, the short story Barker used as his template, since Wiki mentions that Barker substantially changed that template for the movie.

The germ of the original idea was that professional detective Harry D'Amour investigated the supposed death of a stage illusionist, Philip Swann, only to learn that Swann was performing his tricks with real magic. To make that bare notion more salable, Barker interpolated the story of a demonically powered cult-leader named William Nix (Daniel von Bargen), who becomes an enemy Swann (Kevin J. O'Connor) seeks to escape and whom D'Amour (Scott Bakula) must try to eradicate. The result is an ungainly blend of noir detection and flamboyant occult menace, with an evil sorcerer who says things like, "I was born to murder the world."

It's not impossible to do a good mashup of hardboiled crime with supernatural investigation, but Barker doesn't have a handle on either genre's boundaries. The story begins with Swann and his allies invading the HQ of Nix's cult, overcoming Nix, and burying him alive so that he can't destroy the world with his illimitable (but unexplained) powers. Thirteen years later, detective D'Amour-- whose experience with occult matters is only vaguely described-- is hired by Swann's wife (Famke Janssen) to protect the magician, since some of Nix's freaky cultists have been swarming about and making trouble. Then Swann apparently dies-- only to have it revealed later on that he faked his death-- and one of the cultists manages to revive Nix. Despite being woefully overmatched, D'Amour pulls a rabbit out of his hat and prevents the apocalypse, and gets the girl to boot, thanks to Swann conveniently dying for real.

Barker's lack of ability to ground his wild characters in reality is oddly presaged by a line spoken by one of his minor characters halfway through the film. A sanitarium attendant, not privy to any of the magical goings-on, states to D'Amour, "We have to agree on what's real and what's not. That's what holds us together." Barker means this ironically, since through D'Amour the audience has already seen that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in the attendant's philosophy. But inadvertently, Barker described his own inability to make either his plot or characters "hold together." He provides only the most cursory motivation at all times, and his big reveal at the climax-- that Nix had a gay thing for Swann and wanted them to be together after mankind's death-- gets zero foreshadowing. Characters pop in and out of D'Amour's orbit without explanation, and most of them are focused on showing how recherche they are. Oddly, Bakula's homespun normality could have been used to Barker's advantage here, and the actor does his best to give the role a dogged, passionate morality. But D'Amour just feels like Barker copying old movie-detectives, not coming up with his own unique take on the form. Barker may have had better luck with the character in prose, where he's not dependent on interacting with performers other than himself. 

ONE PIECE: HEART OF GOLD (2016)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological*

HEART OF GOLD, though a TV special, looks as good in terms of design and animation quality as any of the movies. In fact, HEART directly leads into the next OP movie, GOLD.

I don't know how often the regular series used the "treasure-hunt" theme, but that's the theme at the heart of HEART. In this case, Acier, a brilliant scientist living on an island with the patently obvious name of "Alchemi," invents a substance called "Pure Gold," more priceless than any other treasure in the world. However, a giant fish named Bonbonri swallowed the island, along with both Acier and his grade-schooler daughter Olga. The two get separated and then live within the stomach of Bonbonri for the next 200 years, and they don't age because the Pure Gold also bestows agelessness upon those exposed to it. However, at some point Olga is accidentally vomited out of the giant fish's belly, along with a tame beastie, a lizard able to skim the surface of the ocean. Olga and her riding-lizard are taken into the custody of Marines, but she has to flee when the Marine ship is assaulted by a seeker of the Pure Gold, Mad Treasure. Her flight leads her into the hands of the Straw Hat Pirates, who for once would like to gain the treasure of the Pure Gold as well as helping the helpless.

The exploration of the various environments in Bonbori's belly is amusing, and the action is kept at the usual high levels. Mad Treasure is a pleasing "bully-boy" type of foe, endowed with a colorful Devil Fruit power: the ability to extend endlessly-stretchable chains from his body, and he's aided by two other henchmen, one of whom is a lady who practices what might be called "drunk-archer-fu."

If HEART has a downside, it's Olga. She's a type often seen in sentimental anime: a kid who acts in a bratty manner to cover up her insecurities. Naturally, the good-hearted pirates take her under their wing, and she learns the value of comradeship, as well as reconciling with her father, whom she hated for having brought chaos into their lives. Still, I admired one affecting image at the climax. After all of the good guys have defeated Mad Treasure and escaped the stomach of the big beast, it consumes the Pure Gold and somehow transforms the metal into a light hanging from its brow, like that of the real-world angler-fish. HEART is another decent take on the ONE PIECE formula; no more, no less.            

HONOR ROLL #299

 USOPP keeps searchin' for a Heart of Gold.

DANIEL VAN BARGEN's claim to villainy is just a minor illusion. 

ABEL, DAISY and MOKOMOKO-- the ones holding weapons-- are the main stars of this D&D effort.

The super-crooks of the Lupin Gang meet their match in THE BLOODY ANGELS.

EMILY CHANG's not sure whether to be insulted to be considered one of the "Seven Men of Kung Fu."

ROBERT KENT, him heap-big Fake Indian.

AQUAMAN, KING OF ATLANTIS (2021)

  

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *comedy*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*

I was sure there was no way this 3-part HBO Max series-- edited into a movie for the DVD market-- would be even passably good. The last time I saw this sort of "extreme bigfoot" animation, it was in the 2020 teleseries THUNDERCATS ROAR, which turned the THUNDERCATS franchise into low farce, apparently in a lame attempt to emulate Cartoon Network's popular TEEN TITANS GO.

To my surprise, KING is actually a reasonably well-done comedy-adventure despite all the silly humor-- which is all the more remarkable in that three of the four credited KING writers worked on THUNDERCATS ROAR. Possibly someone-- DC Comics, or James Wan, who produced the series-- told the scribes not to go overboard with the jokes and maybe ruin the movie franchise, given that Wan had enjoyed financial success with the 2018 live-action Aqua-movie and planned to direct the sequel. 

KING takes place some time after the events of the 2018 movie but is not strictly bound by its continuity, nor does its story play into the two-years-later Aqua-sequel. All that essentially matters is that Aquaman reigns in Atlantis and apparently has had some heavy dates with Mera, though the two are not yet married as they would be in the official sequel. But Aquaman is much more of a dweeb (with unexplained sea-green hair), and Mera is extremely pugnacious, constantly advocating that the two of them should punch their way out of problems. Yet, even though the comics character is more traditionally feminine, somehow the schtick of feisty Mera and the more reserved Sea King works pretty well. Also an unexpected plus: changing the support-character of Vulko-- a grave older man in the comics and in the live-action film (played by Willem Dafoe) -- into an anally retentive young guy.

The three episodes are plotted so that they seem like installments of the same story, largely because the first one starts with the hero and his squeeze investigating a missing Atlantean city. This leads them into battle with a Russian evildoer named Mortikov, who disappears in Episode 2, which focuses upon a classic Aqua-villain, The Fisherman, and then Mortikov returns in the third part, taking on a revised version of a very obscure Aqua-foe, The Scavenger. And as a bonus, the script works in the hero's vexatious half-brother Ocean Master. Further, when the writers worked in a couple of very minor "assistant menaces" who were and are ultra-obscure-- "The Fire Trolls" from the comic book, and "Mirror Men" from the Aqua-cartoon of the sixties-- I suspected the scribes were instructed to try winning over old comics-fogeys (like me) with nods to very old continuity-fodder.

But the use of "moldy oldies" didn't sell me on KING; I just liked the fact that a fair number of the jokes landed. A few were driven into the ground-- really, is the Atlanteans inability to understand how baseball works all that amusing? But others work reasonably well, particularly with regard to slapstick violence. When Mera tries to punch out Scavenger, the villain uses Aquaman as a shield, so that Mera ends up simultaneously hitting her boyfriend and apologizing for the hits.

Despite my positive comments, I think it's just as well this experiment was confined (thus far) to just these three outings.

BEASTMASTER, SEASON 2 (2000-01)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, metaphysical, sociological*

Compared to Season One, Two evinces more of an elegaic sense, a sense of changing realities and shifting allegiances. But one wonders if this was the original plan, before any shooting began, or if the writers were subconsciously reacting to the departures of some of the key supporting players, and the addition of new ones.

One major addition, which extends to Season Three as well, is the introduction of a potential romantic interest for Dar, who'd lost his lifemate at the end of Season One. Warrior-woman Arina (Marjean Holden) hails from another region-- maybe even another dimension-- but she like Dar has lost her people. Her purpose in her first couple of appearances remains vague, but after a time she becomes an employee of Season Two's "big bad." In due course, though, Arina is sufficiently inspired by the noble altruism of Dar and Tao to join them in more heroic endeavors.

Some of the early episodes of Two suggest that the previous season's main villain, King Zad, represents a fading approach to the acquisition of power: that of simply unleashing hordes of killers to scour the land. Zad's savages, the Terrons, get some substantial competition from a new band of warriors, the Nords, whose leader is supposedly more sophisticated than Zad.    

The more sophisticated tyrant is King Voden (David Paterson), who approaches conquest with a more deliberate, considered air. He's a master schemer rather than a warlord, and one of his big schemes involves taking over the city of Xinca, the home of Tao's Eiron people. Another plot is to suborn Dar's power, to make the Beastmaster turn his animal allies into Voden's shock troops. The episode "Rage" gives Voden something of a psychological backstory. He was one of two princes of the Nord people, but his brother Bakhtiar was the older son of Nord queen Margret, and thus first in line for kingship. Much like cunning Loki playing games with the forthright Thor, Voden taunts Bakhtiar so much that the prince becomes consumed with murderous tendencies. Bakhtiar's mother, wanting to save her favorite son, appeals to an old lover-- none other than the acidulous Ancient One-- to erase his memory and to enchant him so that he'll change into a beast, a puma, when stricken with the urge to murder. Naturally, Dar and Tao intervene to solve the problems of Bakhtiar and Margret. But since the showrunners didn't have any concern with those characters except to show Voden's treachery, both of them disappear.

The Ancient One has his own shakeup. He finally gets sick of "Sorceress #1" (Monika Schnarre) becoming invested in the drama of human lives, so he imprisons her in amber, and replaces her with Sorceress #2 (Dylan Bierk). However, #2 is just as much a human-booster, and she disappears at the end of Season Two also, while Sorceress #1 returns in that final season.

Season 2 also bids farewell to Dar's quixotic patron, the forest-demon Curupira (Emilie de Ravin), who seems to have picked up a mild fancy for her human servant. However, Dar becomes the unwitting target of a demoness chick-fight, for the water-demon Iara (Sam Healy) wants Dar as a lover. Iara wins the contest, exiling Curupira from the BEASTMASTER world, but by the end of Season Two, Iara also fades from said domain.      

All of this character-shuffling makes for pedestrian stories at first, and sometimes the writers work in mythological references that don't track well. "Golgotha" is the title of a jejune episode in which Dar breaks up a sacrificial cult. No person or place in the episode shares the name of the hill on which Christ was sacrificed. So apparently the writer just tossed in that reference because it sounded lofty and significant, even though the sacrifice of Christ, even to a non-believer, is functionally distinct from pagan sacrificial rituals. 

Then three scripts ascend into the realm of high-mythicity, all co-written by one Tony DiFranco-- and all three following one another in broadcast order-- almost as if once everything got sorted out, the writers got more venturesome. The 15th episode, "Centaurs." starts it off. Though BEASTMASTER is set in a world divorced from human history, it's still a mortal realm, and thus capable of being invaded by the denizens of more primeval realms. Two beings from such a realm, a male and female archer both mounted on horses, escape a cataclysm, and for once, they're the ones who pick a quarrel with humans. The archers Rax (female) and Sagitto (male, patently named after Sagittarius) start liberating horses from the warriors of King Voden, which naturally causes Voden to react badly. Dar and Tao seek to help the archers, who turn out to be bonded to their horses in such a way that they and their mounts can morph into centaur-forms. Voden, on learning the centaurs' secret, seeks to bring them under his control.

"Fifth Element"-- Dar and Tao accidentally release Annubis, a spirit of chaos (Bruce Spense), from the confinement placed upon him by the Ancient One in primeval times. Instantly the powerful deity wants to plunge the existing world into chaos, first by changing Tao into a dog-man (supposedly to make Tao resemble the god's former pet, Cerberus) and then causing torrential rains to pervade their world. Even serpent-woman Iara, now in charge of the natural world, can't stand against Annubis' mastery of the four elements, but Dar can, if he solves the riddle of "the fifth element." The mythological names are poorly chosen, but the trope of a deity who simply wants to eradicate the world to start over is mythically strong.

"A Terrible Silence"-- Iara abandons subtlety and seeks to make Dar her leman, but he refuses. Like frustrated Ishtar to Gilgamesh, Iara curses her servant. In this case, because Iara inherited all of Curupira's powers, Iara can strip Dar of his Doctor Doolittle powers. This, however, causes the entire natural world to fall into chaos, discommoding even the Ancient One and the second sorceress. Dar must complete a great task in order to regain his abilities.

But after those three tales, the show returns to relatively simple formulas-- even other episodes written by DiFranco. Arina returns after being absent for several stories but becomes more of a regular in the last season. And despite the Ancient One's prophecies, to the effect that Zad was doomed to fade away, he triumphs over King Voden, who brief reign as "big bad" comes to an untimely end--after which Zad takes on a new role in the third season.  

SISTER WRATH (2008)

 

While this film's alternate title NUN OF THAT was accurate in describing its wacky comical nature, I like SISTER WRATH better. While there have been a smattering of straightforward adventure-stories featuring vengeful nuns, the idea of undercutting the "merciful" association of nuns to make them into vessels of God's wrath carries its own vibe of absurdity.

In fact, nearly no one in director/co-scripter's Richard Griffin's world of crazy Catholics could strain the quality of mercy if their lives depended on it. The Church maintains a cadre of killer hit-nuns-- no word as to why there don't seem to be any male assassins-- and cheerfully sends them out to knock off sinners, primarily hardcore gangsters. But at the start of the movie, the nuns lose one of their number, so they need a replacement.      

Sister Kelly (Sarah Nicklin) is getting called on the carpet by Mother Superior for having beaten up a pedophile priest-- who foolishly shows up to see Kelly drummed out and gets pounded on by Kelly some more. Kelly is transferred to a new diocese, but as soon as she gets there, three gun-toting nuns show up and ventilate Kelly's penguin outfit, with her in it.

Surprise: Kelly ends up in Heaven, where she's expected to become one of God's holy hitwomen. Getting shot dead is like an initiation ceremony, and it means that she can once more descend to Earth, in a mortal body, and start knocking off cannoli-munching Mafioso. Only one problem: if Kelly-- now dubbed Sister Wrath-- gets killed a second time, it's for good. Kelly also learns that ascending to Heaven also has special perks, for being a "bride of Christ" means becoming part of the Heavenly Savior's own private harem. (To be sure, we don't see "Jesus" having sex with any of the hot nuns; presumably Griffin wasn't willing to get quite that crazy.)    

So on Earth Kelly is joined by Sisters Gluttony, Lust and Pride, and they start violently gunning down Italian gangsters. Local capo Momma Rizzo sets a killer to catch a killer, and a Jew to take down the Brides of Christ: one "Viper Goldstein." Viper's presence allows Griffin to take a rest from Catholic jokes in favor of Jewish ones, but no one could be offended as this sort of over-the-top nonsense. Many jokes fall flat and a fair number work okay, but the funniest moment is when the Killer Nuns get assistance from whoever was Pope in 2008. Perhaps Griffin signaled his cinematic inspiration for this movie, with its balls-to-the-wall gunplay and frequent fistfights, by having the papal eminence played by Lloyd Kaufman of TROMA fame.

WRATH is episodic and simplistic, but unlike a lot of "so bad they're good" poser-flicks, this one at least has a good level of energy.

            

LUPIN III: STEAL NAPOLEON'S DICTIONARY! (1991) n

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous* 
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *comedy*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*

For a LUPIN III TV special, DICTIONARY certainly has an interesting angle. It's one thing to begin with the premise that the family of Lupin has rumored to have hidden away some fabulous lost treasure. From this notion stems the inventive development that several world powers decide that they're going to hijack the treasure to solve their fiscal problems. (The dialogue doesn't mention that this is a reversal of the usual situation, where the Lupin gang is usually stealing from the powerful and the prosperous.) And the key to finding the rumored bounty is Napoleon's dictionary, which only became a part of history because the ruler supposedly said, "The word 'impossible' is not in my dictionary."

I don't remember how the world powers learn that the dictionary contains a treasure-clue, but even Lupin III doesn't know where it is, until a novelty car-race offers the item as a first prize. Since all the cars in the race have to be antique restorations, Lupin promptly rigs up an old flivver with special technology-- including the power of flight-- and takes part in the race, accompanied by a reluctant Jigen and later, a Goemon who unleashes his super-samurai skills in the name of "duty." (Duty as a thief?) The dogged Zenigata knows that Lupin will seek to win the race, so he too acquires an old car to participate, accompanied by Chieko Kido, a pretty young Japanese intelligence agent. Also joining the race is flirtatious Fujiko, though initially she seemed more concerned with seducing a handsome young millionaire racer-- at least until she decides she might make more dough by cutting in on Lupin's big score. Assorted agents of the world powers make the scene, though they don't join the race and seem to act erratically, sometimes trying to capture Lupin to pick his brain, sometimes trying to kill him. One such effort involves the Americans sending a tracker-missile to wipe out Lupin and Jigen, which the crooks only escape thanks to Lupin converting his car into a submarine and hiding from the missile in a lake.

The covetous agents are not particularly strong villains, but this allows the story to devote a lot more time to the comically obsessed Zenigata. He briefly captures his quarry, but disguise-master Lupin not only assumes the cop's likeness but makes up Zenigata to look like himself. This eventuates in one comic scene where the beleaguered cop has to pretend to be Lupin while in the company of Lupin's gang-members, and also an interlude in which "Zenigata" spends time in the company of Chieko. Unlike Zenigata, who's totally devoted to his quest for capturing super-thieves, Chieko has begun to have doubts about her dedication to serving a faceless intelligence agency. By the movie's end, Chieko does decide, with Lupin's help, to give up law enforcement, which decision stands in contrast to Goemon's dedication to peerless lawbreaking.

Goemon's big sword-feat here involves being attacked by several small tracker-missiles, which he carves up like sashimi. This LUPIN emphasizes comedy more than adventure, particularly in the revelation of the nature of the "treasure."

                                    

STEEL FRONTIER (1995)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *good*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*

Now THIS, unlike some of the sludge I've recently reviewed from the defunct PM Entertainment, is what the company was capable of when it put good people in charge of their low-budget action-movies. I've seen other good formula-flicks from director/co-writer Jacobsen Hart and co-writer Paul Volk, but STEEL FRONTIER is an exceptionally good reworking of the post-apoc subgenre and of the westerns that partly inspired them.

Once again, some idiot dropped the Bomb, and that instantly flung the remnants of humanity back into the framework of the Old West, with scattered enclaves of hard-working tillers of the soil, continually menaced by wasteland savages (cannibals called "roach-eaters") and by a roving gang of ruthless bandits. In deference to the influence of MAD MAX, this gang of "Death Riders" use automobiles rather than horses to cross the desert, and the bandits themselves seem to be rogue members of the US army. That their leader (Brion James) is given the name "Quantrell," emulating that of the post-Civil War raider, indicates that the writers wanted to allude to the power of the military to foster tyranny. Other members of the Riders include Quantell's second in command Acker (Bo Svenson), the leader's wimpy son Julias (John C Victor), and other weirdos, one of whom is named Chickenboy in reference to his feathery attire.        

 We meet the hero first, though, when he has to mercy-kill one of the Death Riders' victims: a man with his legs torn off, left to die in the desert. This is the taciturn Yuma (Joe Lara), whose origins are never revealed, though there's the suggestion that he might have been, like Mad Max, an enforcer of the law. Some reviewers compared Yuma to Jesus, I guess because he has long hair and because late in the film he gets wounded in the side. But there's a clever allusion to Yuma's real nature in a conversation between Quantell and Acker, where Quantrell opines that he doesn't like his gang's name because "Death rides alone." And who does director Hart immediately cut to, riding alone on his motorcycle to his death-dealing conflict with evil? Only one guess allowed.

 There are no great surprises to the plot. The Riders take over a peaceful town and began heaping indignities upon the residents, including beautiful Sarah (Stacie Foster) and her young boy. Yuma shows up and joins the Riders in order to whittle them down from within, before making an all-out assault, aided by Sarah and some of the more courageous townfolk. Quantrell, who's left town to coordinate with other members of his gang, finds out about the rebellion and leads more bandits to wipe out the whole town. Instead the bad guys are taken out and heroic Yuma gets the de rigeur final battle with the main villain, before cycling off into the sunset.

Aside from the allusions to Yuma being both Jesus and Death, the writers provided the actors with lots of quick emotional moments. Quantell, raging when he finds that Yuma killed his son. Sarah trying to get the cowardly populace to fight back. Sarah's son trying to save his mother from rape with a slingshot and undergoing a rite of passage as he manages to kill the idiot Chickenboy. Svenson confessing to Yuma that before the Bomb fell, he'd hoped to become an astronaut, and wondering if some of them are still in orbit above the ruined world. And though I've rarely been impressed with Joe Lara, here he does a fine job of putting across his version of a "man with no past." And for once, the usual PM policy of punctuating the drama with explosions, gun-battles and fistfights works to good effect.    

THE LAST WITCH HUNTER (2015)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical*                                                                                                                                                 I'd never heard either positive or negative reviews of this Vin Diesel project, but now that I've seen it, HUNTER has one standout aspect. While I can tolerate a lot of derivative plots and characters in my search for good-- or even just fun-- adventure-movies, I'm aware that some viewers get immediately turned off by anything that seems stereotypical. For various reasons, HUNTER gave me some sense of how an adventure-hater feels when faced with an especially mediocre specimen.                                                                                                     

HUNTER, based on some D&D concept that Vin Diesel was able to copyright (somehow), hinges on Diesel's protagonist Kaulder being immortal. Thus a 14th-century Kaulder joins with other warriors to destroy the evil Witch Queen (Julie Englebrecht) who unleashes the Black Plague on the world. Presumably she has even worse plans in store for humanity when Kaulder slays her. And the dying Queen curses Kaulder with-- immortality? Wait, how does she know this will be an undesirable fate to this guy? Yes, I, like every fantasy-viewer, have seen umpteen stories about immortals who get existentially exhausted with eternal life. But the Witch Queen doesn't have any particular reason to assume that her killer is going to be so discomfited. This major stumbling-block in storytelling is just one of too many others.                                                   

   The audience doesn't get to see Kaulder learning the evils of immortality, for the film immediately shuttles to the present day. Though the Witch Queen is dead, an entire race of witches still exists on the fringes of regular civilization, and Kaulder has become an enforcer for an organization, the Axe and Cross, that monitors witch-activities. Neither the culture of the witches nor the monitoring organization get much elaboration, but Kaulder trusts one guy, Dolan 36 (Michael Caine), as his contact person. Dolan 36 is assassinated (apparently) and Kaulder launches a crusade to find the killer.                 

  Since Kaulder doesn't practice magic, he has to draft a witch to help his investigation, so he chooses, almost randomly, a hot young conjuress named Chloe (Rose Leslie). Chloe is given little reason to help Kaulder at first, though a convenient plot-device has Chloe's buddy knocked off by Kaulder's enemies, so this becomes motivation enough for her to risk her own life. (The writers probably wanted to imply that Chloe had the hots for the reticent hero, given a late scene where she seems jealous of another woman's attentions to Kaulder.) Kaulder beats down various unmemorable menaces until he finally learns that his enemies are out to revive the Witch Queen. This contingency isn't even anything the Queen arranged in anticipation of her demise. There's some gobbledygook about how Kaulder's immortal existence is the key to the Queen's revival, but it was all forgettable too. The final battle between Kaulder and the grotty Queen is fairly well choreographed, but everything else is from hunger. In 2015 the film made more than it cost, but not much more, which may be the reason no threatened sequel has materialized.

          

HONOR ROLL #298

 JULIE ENGELBRECHT needs a serious makeover.

BRIAN HUCKEBA always loses in games of "chicken."

Lupin converts CHIEKO KIDO away from law and order.

No soft answers will turn away the Wrath of SARAH NICKLIN.

While Beastmaster masters beasts, JACKSON RAINE seeks to master pratfalls.
 

DC fans really had to "scavenge" to come up with an Aquaman villain as obscure as SCAVENGER.